Happy Halloweenie!

Almost Time to Trick or Treat

I love this picture! Well, I am back at the "W" and I can't get into the system because during last week they changed the website and everyone got a new password,but me that is! So here I sit farting off waiting for direction.

weekend update

I did buy Dooley a little sweater for the cool weather. He doesn't care for it too much!But I think he is adorable!

what I bought. Pillow,scarf,purse,and a few candles.

my whiskey bottle full of money.

Just barely a Democrat oh my!

You Are a Conservative Democrat

Frankly, the way most other Democrats behave embarasses you greatly. You pride yourself on a high level of morals, and you have a good grasp on right and wrong. It's likely you think America needs to get back to its conservative, Juedo-Christian values. Why aren't you a Republican then? Because you believe the goverment helps more than hurts.

What's Your Political Persuasion?

I got this from my new blogging buddy Independent in Pennsylvania. Damn, I am really mellowing out in my old age!I don't know about the Juedo-Chriatian values. Maybe because of the question who would you trust a politicain you voted for,a CEO of a company you like, or your preacher. Well, I happen to like the preacher at the church I have been attending, he has yet to show me different.(Unitarian if you are wondering) I don't have any big businesses I like and as for the politicians, well, I do live in Austin! I ain't a dumbass!!

The dating Game

I went on line a few weeks back to see if I could find my dream man in cyberspace. I have been reticent to get back in the pool so to speak. Anyway, signed up with a website in Australia. I know I know it is a little far away but a girl has to start somewhere! Ok so I got rejected by 3 guys in Aaustralia maybe because I live on the other side of the world you say, ok then I will test the waters here. So I go online on a local website and this guy was talking about being new to Austin and not knowing anyone and that he had lost his daughter. Now what follows is my email to him and then his response.

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I have no children but it is something I am sure you will never get over. You may one day be able to put it behind you but it will never be far from your thoughts I am sure. I am a single woman never married just 1 yr out of a long term relationship. He was cheating and had to go. I am a professional, own my own home (me and the bank). I have been spending my free time lately remodeling the house and getting it the way I want. I have 3 dogs 2 big ones and 1 small. I live in south austin. I do not smoke tobacco and drink rarely. I love music especially the blues. I am a big fan of live music as well. I go to the Elvis tributes at the Continental Club. I grew up Catholic but am trying to recover from that. Hope to hear from you soon.

hello mary, how are you doing today. I like to say thanks for your e-mail. It was very nice of you. So if you should ever need help around the house with some work maybe I could help in you in some way. I could go into all my problems but I am not. I have been living in Austin for four years and do not know that many people. What happen to my daughter made me not to care. I know what it is like to make good money. You would not believe what some one can loose so fast. It took a long time to get. But something like what happen to my daughter just makes you go crazy. You loose all self esteem, pride and integrity. When I came to autoing from Houston to began a new life and found out it was impossible. I have struggled when I first got here and found myself doing odd jobs at a day labor. Until I landed a warehouse job and manage it for three years. Before I know it the closed down and here out of work. I now go find work and I getting older as each day goes by. I all ways worked and never asked no one for help and I paid taxes all my life and never took unemployment or anything. So now I out of work again and I cannot get any help from the state. I found out through about most people and they want to help but really they do not. I put a ad on craigs list if people needed help around the house. I did get some replay's and from some contractors and I need money and quick because when I lost my job and at the same time blow engine in my car so what makes it worst in not only no transportation but could not pay phone. But any way I figured I would help this contractor with some paint work and I work three days and I figured that this could get me some of the things I need to find not just a job but something that pays and get back on my feet. But I soon found after the third day and he picked me up and on the fourth day I have not seen him and I tried calling but it looks to me that he turned off his phone and he owes me money. I do not know why people do this. I am honest and hard working and I ask for nothing from any one.The state will not help and I have borrow all I can from any friends that I have. I know that they do no mind in helping me but you know their is a stopping point. I know that they know I just had very bad luck lately. I was looking to find a job and pay my cell phone and get a new laptop so I can do some data entry and make some money that way because I had to sell my for bills and know find myself Even worst off then ever and I just here and not able to do anything and I try to do the right thing but It is not happening. But I rather starve to death before standing on corner with sigh. I do not use drugs and I do not drink. I hate to say I do smoke. I just getting more stress out as each day goes by. I think when some one buy a home or a new car or anything they are blessed ant that is great for them.But that is them and they eared it. But I guess the blessing for me is far from coming. If I could only get a break but I do not see it. Now I have lost my glasses and hardly can see. I know this if I ever get the money up I will start a foundation on normal people that has lost the job and do no drugs and drink can go and get help. The state would help if I were sick or a drunk or out of jail I found out. I ask what about the people that just lose their job and run out of money what do they do and no one can answer that simple question. I have to say I sorry to you I so upset and boring you with this I sure you got better things to do. Well like I said if you need help with some of your remodeling maybe I could help you. I really work cheap. So keep in touch and thank you again for you e-mail and once again sorry. I just wanting to here other peoples point of view.

Now I realize that this guy is having a really bad time in life but my point is that of course of all the guys in the world I am going to get this guy. I am sure he is a nice enough guy but I have to ask myself if I really want t put myself out there knowing that this is the kind of guy I attract...even in cyberspace they can find me. Oh and how did he know my name you ask well, seems that every email I send has my signature yeh, my first and last name. Hell, I am too dumb to date!I am going to bed now and if I even mention wanting a date ever again someone please remind me of what is waiting out there just for me!

My new Kitchen

This is my new bar. It has the computer on it now but not for longthis is a shot of the cabinets under the window. These were custom built. There was just wall there before.
My new dishwasher!
My new sink! Yes it has a hand held sprayer!
I still have to get the back splash done and now I am thinking mirror. I was going to use black mosiac tile but that seems too dark.
I love these corner cabinets. They are built to actually be used!

My old appliances look shabby beside the new stuff but they still function and well I have other stuff to spend my money on.Like a new floor and lighting!

Quick Note

Okay so I have been off the last 2 days. Osa had surgery on her eye and she is doing fine. The vet said she is the sweetest dog she has ever seen! I took the dog door out of the slider and the dogs are in the back yard when I am gone being dogs. Seems after researching daschunds are aggressive and I found a puncture wound on Dooley's neck last night. The plot thickens! Nobody will ever know how or why Miss Charlotte dies except for Dooley,Chula, and Osa. I am not too worried about Dooley being hurt though.I thought about staying home today to clean the house but have vetoed that and have decided to take my whiskey bottle full of money to the bank and cash it in. I am gonna go buy something fun!I found the cable for the camera and was trying to load pictures of the kitchen and the whiskey bottle but blogger suxs!Maybe later!

Running With Scissors

I went to a screening of this movie last night. It was hilarious! I laughed so hard and I so needed a good laugh. Although there was a dead cat scene! Oh no they didn't!! But otherwise it was well worth the effort of going.I left the 2 big dogs out in the back yard for today. I am always thinking about what to do with them. I have thought long and hard over the whole past events. I have tried to figure out what the change was in the dynamics of the dog vs. cat world. The cat was there before the dogs and she established a long time ago with them who was who. The change is the little dog and the dog door. I feel these 2 things helped to get to the events that transpired on Monday. For one thing the little dog was always fucking with Charlotte like barking at her. She hated that and would throw her back up and screech at him to shut up. He would chase her into a corner and she would then proceed to get away. I feel that Monday this happened and she was unable to get away and went into fight mode which the little dog took as play but she was not in the mood. Somewhere in all this it turned ugly and she lost her life. It's all fun and games till someone loses a kitty! I want to think that is what happened. I do not think Chula acted alone. I feel all the dogs were responsible. For the time being, I will keep the big dogs in the back yard with no house privileges until I am confident they are not becoming aggressive.I also feel that putting her in a kennel with strangers is not the best way to determine if she is agressive or not. It needs to be a place she feels safe in and that is not it. I have also decided to take the big dogs for a walk today after work. I think they need a little mommy time without the little dog. He does get the lion's share of my attention. I do not want any jealousy within the ranks.I have also taken the doggie door away. With me out of the house they try to establish dominance and my bed is apparently the throne. That by the way, was Miss Charlotte's place to be. I love all my animals and like any mother I hate the behavior but love the child. I can only approach this with love and patience.I am over the rage and not hating anymore but still not feeling the love. Hopefully our outing this afternoon will start the healing process. Any other suggestions? One girl at work says if her dog did that she would put him down no questions asked. Obviously she is not the one I will go to for advice!

Acting Rationally

Okay I have had most of the day to think I mean really think about all this. I am going to talk to my vet about Chula first. I want to know what he thinks.He is off today but I spoke with his associate who agrees that there could be a danger to my little dog as well as me. It could also be an isolated incident where an otherwise nice dog has an episode of unknown origin like this. I cannot be totally sure she was not trying to defend herself but the body was not chewed just roughed up.I am taking her tomorrow am to the vet to be boarded for a few days. It is $14/day so it will not be for too long. Maybe just wed till monday.I am hoping they can assess her behavior and then give me an educated answer. I cannot fault the dogs for being dogs but again I will not have a dog I am afraid of or afraid that she will injure another person and or animal. The reason it kills me so much is because she is such a sweet gentle animal. Anyway, that is my decision. My friends Jan , Kelly, and Lois are taking me to the movies tonight. We are going to see Running with Scissors. Rather apropos if you know what I mean. It is also my decision to never ever under any circumstances call the rat bastard for anything. Anything! They are my animals and my responsibility. I know one thing for sure and that is I hate him with all my heart!I know I hate him because I have never had this strong of a feeling about anyone ever. I do not care for it and I hope that I can get past it and just strongly dislike him.

The Rat Bastard Returns

I called the fucker to ask him to come and take Chula away for a while but of course he can't because he lives in a 1 bedroom apt with 5 cats. I guess he has 3 kittens. So, he starts in right away telling me to calm down and quit crying and tell him what happened and then he says I shouldn't be mad at Chula she is only a dog and did what dogs do. I hate him so much. He says he will talk to his skanky mother to see if Chula can go stay there for a while. I told him to forget it I would take care of Chula and see she is taken care of. He said don't say that like you will do something bad to her. I told him I was thinking of taking her to the pound actually but that I was still upset and not thinking clearly. I know I said I would never call him but I did and that was stupid.I guess I was hoping he would be nice to me. I told him that I wished he had been there to help me. He never said a word other than he was sorry and I should calm down.He acts like he hates me. I hate him! He hurt me. He lied to me. He cheated on me.He doesn't get to hate me dammit! I never did anything to him!Why can't I have a nice day?? Every day is either some trauma or nothing. I just want something good to happen to me. I want so much to be loved. I want someone to take care of me when I am sad and kiss away the pain. Is that too much to ask? I feel like I live in a Novella!

Miss Charlotte 1991-2006

Miss Charlotte is dead.I came home last night and found her dead in my bedroom. The whole room was torn up like a major fight had taken place and she was lying on the floor between the slider and my bed. She was killed by my dogs. I left yesterday morning and closed my bedroom door so the little dog couldn't get in the rest of the house. They could come in out of the cold and stay in the bedroom. But, what I didn't do was get Charlotte out of there. I figure she was worked by the little dog or something and the rest is debatable. Osa won't even look at me. Chula has that sorrowful look and a deep gash under her right eye. I see no marks on Dooley or Osa for that matter but then I didn't examine her too close. I hate them both. I don't think I will ever love them again. I screamed at them last night and told them I hated them and would never love them again. I tried to call Marshall to come and get them but I don't know his number. I am afraid to leave Dooley alone with them. I have seen both of them nip at him when he gets too annoying ,although he seems a little frighened of them. Maybe he senses my feelings for them. She was my baby. All she ever wanted was to sleep on the bed in the sun and not be bothered by dogs which she hated every single day. I was allergic to her and woke up every morning with puffy eyes and snott. This morning was no different. All I want is to quit losing the people in my life I love the most. My life seems to go from one tragedy to another with periods of nothingness in between. I have given up hope of ever being happy again and can only pray for the losses to stop. My friend Jana came over last night and helped be bury her in the back yard. I wrapped her in my silk nightie. She loved sleeping on it really she loved sleeping on anything of mine. I put her in a box and we buried her in the yard all the while the murderers were watching. I gave them water and threw food out there to them but I hold no love in my heart for them. I know I should tend to the gash on Chula's eye but I really don't give a shit about her right now. I have no love in my heart for them. I thought they were the best dogs in the world but they have shown me otherwise. I am going to think bout all this today because right now I am leaning toward taking Chula to the pound. She has shown her temper in flashes before with Charlotte and with the little dog. I have Dooley to think of now. For now, I will leave him in the house alone and they will stay outdors.


Oh Miss Chartlotte my heart is breaking!!! I love you so much. You have been there for me for so long and I am so very sorry I left you in harm's way. It is all my fault for not putting you out of the room. I just never thought you were in any danger. I AM SO SORRY!!!!

Monday Musings

Well, the weekend is over and I am wondering where it went. I spent all weekend working on getting my house back in order. I have completed all I can for now in the kitchen. I am out of money so no back splash, new lights, or floor for now. That will all come in good time. I have waited 12 yrs. to get a new kitchen,I can wait a little while longer. I have taken some pictures but I am still trying to put things back where they belong and the cable to the computer that transfers the photos is yet to find it's way back to me.I have been thinking about the back splash. If the countertops are black and the cabinets are a dark cherry woood color then the black tiles may be a bit too much dark. I am thinking about putting mirror up as a back splash. It would certainly alleviate the problem of darkness and it would be less expensive. Maybe I could get morror tiles and border them with the black mosaics I wanted to use which by the way is $12 a sheet(12 square inches). Just a thought. Has anyone else used mirror for a back splash? Or as anything other than a mirror? Dooley hiked his leg outside yesterday! My little man is growing up! He had his lipstick out last night after his bath too! He is still having issues with pooping in the house so now I have to keep the dogs confined to my bedroom during the day. The dog door is in the slider in the bedroom so they are free to roam the back yard and when they come in they can lounge in the bedroom. Needless to say my room smells like dogs but better there than the whole house!Not like I get a lot of action in there if ya know what I mean!

Benjamin

My good friend Annie is in pain. She has a right to be too. She is a nurse,single mother of 2 boys age 24 and 22. They are the love of her life and they love their momma.
Unfortunately the younger son Benjamin loved to shoot up too. He died last week of a heroin overdose. He was staying with Annie at the time. He had been living on the street but Annie had taken him in and he was doing quite well for the last 2 months. My friend Ricky said he saw him the day before he died at the gym and he looked and sounded good. He was without a doubt a beautiful man.
I got an email from Annie this morning and in it she was talking about the Andromeda Galaxy and how there was this red swirling pattern out there. She contemplated on whether or not Benjamin could be a part of it. She said he liked the color red and wheels and it seems like a place he would love to inhabit.
I have been in touch with her. I sat with her after the funeral. I have called her every day. I even gave her a really pretty bling bling ring which, by the way, she loved. I couldn't think of anything to give her. I mean people bring food but who wants to eat? Or maybe flowers but they just die. So, I thought hey nothing says I'm sorry like a nice new ring! What can I say,it made her smile!
So, for now, that is all I can do is be there for her and try to make her smile every once in a while.

My Bad Blogging

Okay so I finally figured out sort of how to put the utube video up on my site only to come back and see the sidebar is messed up again! I need remedial blogging. Dammit I'm a nurse not a computer geek! My pschyo boss is off all this week but her boss is here today. She is nice but a micro manager. She wants things to be her way only. For example if I write an order she will correct it with different wording. Same order just different wording. WTF I can handle that but my question is if you are going to correct my work why not just let you do it to begin with? I don't think this is a question I can ask her without pissing her off! Bosses suck! Is that a word? Bosses? Or would it be boss'? We are in the process of accquiring another agency so all the big wigs are here from corporate. I have to be quick about playing around on the computer today because I have a feeling that these people can moniter your computer useage with their magical powers. Gotta go look busy! I love my work, I love my job, I love my work , I love my job!

Jon Stewart sends a message to Bush


This is the video I was talking about in the other post. I love Jon Stewart. It is kind of long but once you get to the chart part that comes after the blow job part then the best part is next.Intrigued?? Then watch it you crazy thing you!

Opps It's Tuesday Again!

Hopefully this tuesday will be uneventful. I am just plugging away here at work. I am on terminal hold with the medicare office so I thought I could clean up my desk, fax a few documents and then blogg for a while. The wheels of government turn very slowly. I have already had my ass chewed out by a family member of a pt. Seems the lab has not sent the results of some blood work the nurse drew last week. Now it is a problem but am I to blame for the lab's mistake? Apparently I am! Because I cetainly heard all about my flaws as a nurse this morning. I have no compassion, good sense, or the ability to carry on a conversation with someone without patronizing. Okay...and there you have folks the glamourous world of a nurse. We are the whipping boys for the medical world. And in the real world where you aren't insulated by visiting hours,ancillary staff, or intimidating surroundings you get it from the family,neighbors, clinics,Dr. offices,and road raging soccer moms!I just keep saying to myself"I love my work,I love my job" Hey, whatever gets you through the day is what I say!It still beats the pants off of working the night shift in trauma on a hot summer weekend! When I can't remember the effects of Lactulose on a hepatic patient then I may consider going back into the hospital. Yeh, right!

I got a Dishwasher !!!

Ok so I got my kitchen all strung out over the kitchen and the livingroom. I have been putting a my kitchen back together since late Friday night. I have no lights in there so I thought it was just a bad switch so I bought another one and went home to fix it. But it was not working so my friend Kellie came by and she said she would get her husband to come and fix it. They came back over and not only could he not fix it but after he left the outlet on the other side of the room where the computer and the television are plugged into didn't work. Yeh, so then I thought no problem I have a large floor lamp I can move into the kitchen for now and have the light. Well, wouldn't ya know when I went to plug it in it didn't work either. Why you ask? Because someone chewed through the electical cord. Yep, it no worky either. Can you say Dooley? So, I am still working on the kitchen and I have been washing everything before it goes in the cabinets. I have way too much stuff for one person. I have a huge amount of bar glasses! Anyone up for a martini? I will post pictures when I get a chance to take some. Now, I gotta find an electrician. That just sounds expensive.

Friday is Here!!!

Well, the kitchen is just about done and my cousin will come over either tonight or tomorrow to help me hook the computer back up! I love the new cabinets and will post pictures once the computer at home is up and running again. What did we do before computers?Osa has a huge growth on her eye and it is draining and she acts like it hurts her so this morning I took her to the vet. Not the old vet but Dooley's vet. He said it is a growth from where her eyelashes grow and it is actually a gland that has gotten clogged so he gave me antibiotics for the drainage and she will have surgery to correct this in 2 weeks. He says if he can surgically remove it then it will not come back. this is the 3rd time it has come back. I am sure it hurts because it is big and scratches her cornea. She is such a sweet dog. She and her sister Chula will be 8 yrs old on the 17th of this month. I really lucked out when it came to dogs! Too bad I can't get the men in my life to be so sweet and loving!I will have to post some pictures of them as well. Miss Charlotte the calico cat is my cat for sure. She loves me but pretty much either hates everyone else or just ignores them! Okay I gotts get back to the "W" Good weekend all!

Make Over My Kitchen

Well, I am smack dab in the middle of getting the kitchen redone. I came home yesterday to new upper cabinets and half of the bottom ones installed. Today they will be finishing up with the cabinets and countertops and hopefully the new bar will be built as well. I also get a $750 cash rebate on the cabinets. I plan to use that on the backsplash and the floor. Oh I am a happy camper today. I am off tomorrow and my computer is in pieces in the bedroom and living room so I probably won't be posting again till the weekend or Monday. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Hey did anyone else see Lost? I am so loving it right now. Looks like next week we will finally find out about the people on the beach and at the hatch place with the computer and the numbers and the button. Oh my!!!

A Brand New Life

I have been living alone now for 1 year. I haven't really thought about it that way. It has all been I have been alone and broken hearted for a whole year. Wah! But today, I am seeing it differently. I see it as a good thing. One whole year to myself. No one to worry about or make plans with. No one to ruin the plans I have already made. I find that I am liking it better than I first thought. I mean, for one thing, when I first wake up I can lay in bed and fart. Now, I know that is not something you generally think about but, it is a liberating feeling. Dooley is not bothered by it, in fact, most days he sees it as wake up call. As soon as he hears me fart, he is up and licking my face. Of course, it could be he was blown up to my head and is just thankful to be alive after that stinker!In other news, my boss has decided that she is taking Friday off. Now, normally I would be jumping for joy except that I had asked for friday off about 6 weeks ago. That is how long my kitchen cabinets have been sitting in my garage. I had to wait to get them installed because she wouldn't let me off when they first came in. Now she tells me i have to work my screen from home. That is not possible as where the connection to the computer is where the cabinets are being installed. She is like well, just get an extension cord and run it into your bedroom.Yeh, I am sure that will work for the guys. Anyway, I called the cabinet guy last night and he first off said dang that woman is a bitch huh? So,he tells me the next time he has for installing theses cabinets is the end of November. No way am I waiting till then.She had said yesterday that her boss told her to tell me that I couldn't have the day off.Keep in mind I asked for this day off over 6 weeks ago. She in the meantime has decided to move her parents from wherever the fuck they are to Texas this very weekend! Go figure. Apparently her days off trump my days off. Oh and did I mention she told me she is off from the 15th of december to the 3rd of january. Well, Merry fucking Christmas to me! She also said she is going to be out of town over the Thanksgiving holidays. So, basically, I am shit out of luck for getting any holiday time off. Good thing I decided to do away with Christmas huh? Gotta go to morning meeting to see what else she has deemed noteworthy today.

Delete,Delete,Delete!

I did something very big for me today. I have for a year now been stalking the RB's e-mail. I know I know I am not proud of it and I can't give a rational reason for doing it I just have okay!Anyway, because I stalk his e-mail I also know his password for his lame ass myspace page too. So, I haven't looked at either one of them in a while but today I looked for the last time. I have deleted his myspace account.I know, harsh ,but if he wants another one he can make one up. The only person who talked to him was his skanky ass girlfriend. Hello, you live together idiots! Then I cancelled his email account,it was on my computer account as a subaccount and just to be sure I also deleted his phone number form my phone and no I do not know it by heart. So, now I am stalker free and I feel fine. I am free to no longer know what he is doing and with whom. All I know now is where he works and I am stopping short of blowing the place up. What I do not know is when he works or what his car looks like. So, even if I wanted to I couldn't go by and see if he is working which I never did before anyways.I know this is good for me and for him too although he never knew I was stalking him. How stupid is that? He should have known all I ever had to do was hit his name on the screen and bam I am in.Okay I am off to go visit my friend Jana for a bit .I do not want to be alone tonight.

365 Days Only 635 More To Go !

365 days ago today I found out the Rat Bastard was lying to me and cheating on me. It will be 365 days tomorrow since I last laid eyes on him. It seemed then that there was no future for me. I was so very hurt.Hell, I was devastated. Everything I ever knew to be true in my world was false. I still to this day do not understand how he could lie to me like that. I know now that she was in my house with him when I was gone. I know that they had been sleeping with each other since the beginning of August.Even now, to think about that makes me sick to my stomach. He told me that day she made him a better person. I still don't get that. I know that those of you who have walked this journey with me know how many times I was weak. How many times I cried over him.But one thing I am proud of myself for is I never once begged him to come back. For one thing he would never do that. Once he makes his mind up about something that is it. But the other thing and I think the most important thing is I didn't want him back. He might have been the love of my life for all I know but one thing is for certain and that is that he had all of my love.All of it. And he tossed it aside like yesterday's paper. He just didn't care about me at all. It was like I didn't exist. How can you do that to someone you say you love?Hey, I am officially through asking those questions.Because you cannot love someone and hurt them the way he hurt me. I am over 1/3 of the way done with hurting over him and for some reason I am okay today. Of course, it is still early in the day and I still have that empty house to go home to. I really don't want to treat it like any other day though. I would like to mark the day as a milestone for myself. I look forward to the day that October 9th and 10th mean nothing to me at all. I am all cried out for now and find the whole thing completely exhausting.I have to go do the "w" now so I can't dwell on this for too long. I will however be thinking of something to do this evening.

Full Moon Over the Backyard

Last night's concert with Bonnie Raitt and her warm up artist,Keb Mo was fantastic. The weather was just right with a nice little breeze swaying through the live oaks. She played to a packed house and rocked out with some Austin musicians too. I cried when she sang I can't make you love me if you don't and also had a little welling and spilling to Make me an angel that flys from Montgomery. Man, how that gal can sang!I love to watch her play the guitar too. she said she had been to happy hour at the Lucky Lounge downtown and she was headed to the Saxon Pub after the show. I however went to Kerby Lane and had one of their sticky muffins. totally not on the diet but I was weak and had just spent over 2 hrs shaking my booty!Rationalize Mary!It's all good! I just wish all of you had been there with me. God, I love this town!

Bonnie Raitt

Tonight I am seeing Bonnie raitt at the backyard. it is a great outdoor venue on the outskirts of Austin in Bee Caves.I am looking forward to it. I love her. I remember the first time I saw her was back in 1980. I was working the trauma unit and everyone was going. I had to work a 3-11 shift so of course I called in sick.The next day one of the residents came up to me in front of the charge nurse and says hey wasn't that a great concert last night. I of course said what are you talking about?I was sick at home in bed last night and he said no I saw you last night don't you remember? This is just one of the many reasons never to date a resident. Dumb ass!I had a picture of her to post but blogger sucks

7 Songs I'm Listening to Right Now

Porcelain


Better Than Ezra


Hey, you've got a lot of nerve to show your face around here.
Hey, you've got a lot of nerve to dredge up all my fears.
Well, I wish I could shake some sense into you and walk out the door.

[To Chorus:]
But your skin is like porcelain.
Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.

Just the other day I felt I had you by a string.
Just the other day I felt we could be everything.
But now when I see you, you're somebody else.
In somebody's eyes and your skin...


But your skin is like porcelain.
Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.


I don't know what I'm saying.
Well, I don't know if you're there.
In the words you are feigning.
Do you even care?

Well I wish I could kill you,
savor the sight.
Get in to my car, drive into the night.
Then lie as I scream to the heavens above.
That I was the last one you ever loved.
Yes, your skin is like porcelain.


But your skin is like porcelain.
Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.




I Am The Highway


Audioslave

Pearls of swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for the leaving I feel


I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don't wait for me
I'll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel


I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightening
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night





Recovering The Satellites


Counting Crows


Gonna get back to basics
Guess I'll start it up again
I'm falling' from the ceiling
You're falling from the sky now and then
Maybe you were shot down in pieces
Maybe I slipped in between
But we were gonna be the wildest people they ever hoped to see
Just you and me
So why'd you come home to this sleepless town
It's a lifetime commitment
Recovering the satellites
All anybody really wants to know is...
When you gonna come down
Your mother recognizes all you're desperate displays
And she watches as her babies drift violently away
'Til they see themselves in telescopes
Do you see yourself in me?
We're such crazy babies, little monkey
We're so fucked up, you and me
So why'd you come home to this faithless town
Where we make a lifetime commitment
To recovering the satellites
And all anybody really wants to know is...
When are you gonna come down
She sees shooting stars and comet tails
She's got heaven in her eyes
She says I don't need to be an angel
But I'm nothing if I'm not this high
But we only stay in orbit
For a moment of time
And then you're everybody's satellite
I wish that you were mine
So why'd you come home to this angels town
It's a lifetime decision
Recovering the satellites
Everybody really knows for sure...
That you're gonna come down
That you're gonna come down



The World I Know



Collective Soul


Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.

Are we listening
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding
Into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
As the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know.




Now that It's Over!


Everclear




Yeah right! (One, two, three, four.) Break down and shake for me. Nothing ever ends the way you want it to be. Nothing even tastes right now that it's over. Break down and shake for me. Don't write words unless you want me to read them. Nothing really matters now that it's over. Maybe we can be friends now that we're older. We can have fun like we did in the early days, now that it's over. Yeah right! Break down and shake for me. Nothing ever seems the way it ought to be. Nothing ever seems right now that it's over. Yeah, now maybe we can be friends. Maybe we can be closer. We can have fun like we did in the old days now that it's over. Oh yeah... My bad dreams just don't seem the same, baby, without you. Oh, I wish you were willing to accept the blame, yeah, for everything you do. My nightmares just don't scare me now, baby, without you. I wish that I could find the words to tell in the best way possible... you and your friends to go to hell. Yeah right! Whoa... Break up time is never easy to do. Nothing ever ends the way you want it to. Nothing seems to make sense now that it's over. Yeah, now maybe we can be friends. Yeah, now that you're leaving. You can be nice to me, maybe I'm dreaming. I am a lot better now than just okay. Maybe I am just waking up in my own way now that it's over. Now that it's over. My bad dreams just don't seem the same, baby, without you. I wish you were willing to accept the blame, yeah, for all the shitty things you do. Nightmares just don't scare me now, baby, without you. I wish that I could find the words to tell you to politely go fuck yourself. Yeah, now that it's over. Now that it's over... ("Congratulations, a fetishist and an obsessive. You will be very happy together.")



Technicolor Lover


New Radicals


She came from a world that is so far out
Roller skating into my life I never had no doubt
She asked where to get that velvet colored hair
I said I got lot's more somewhere
If you touch my big
And she said I come from a world that is so far out
And I said so do I
And she may not be the worlds solution
But shes a world class revolution

Technicolor lover
Rate my heart
Technicolor lover
Sate my heart
Technicolor lover
Take my heart...now

lather, rinse, [repeat]



Interstate Love Song


Stone Temple Pilots


waiting on a Sunday afternoon
for what I read between the lines,
your lies.
feelin' like a hand in rusted shame
so do you laugh or does it cry?
reply?

leavin' on a southern train
only yesterday you lied,
promises of what I seemed to be
only watched the time go by,
all of these things you said to me.

breathing is the hardest thing
to do. with all I've said and
all that's dead for you,
you lied - good bye

leavin' on a southern train
only yesterday you lied
promises of what I seemed to be
only watched the time go by,
all of these things I said to you.

Tag, You're it!

My Passion

The other day I was listening to the radio on the way home and they were asking people to call in and tell them what their passion was. One lady called and said she loves to ride her horse and spends all her free time with the horse and other people with the same interests Another person called in to say they loved rock climbing and so on. I have been thinking about this and trying to figure out what my passion is. At first I thought it was food and believe me I do love food with a passion but it is not my passion. Then it hit me, my passion I mean. My passion is music. I love the sound of it. I love all kinds of music from metal to opera, I love it. I love live music,recorded on Cd or tape or albums. I know when the new albums are coming out or when the artist is coming to town. I have taken vacations based on SXSW or ACL fest. I love to hear the words and the power of them. I love a deep bass line or a 4 quarter bass.I love the lead guitars that speak to you of love,loss,anger,betrayal,and hope. I love the back beat of the drums or the sweet sound of the trombone. I love the singer's who wail out a song or the ones who have to scream their message to you or the soft sultry voices of women who have been wronged as well as the hot buttery sound of the male vocalist who can seduce you with his words. I once met a man who told me he didn't have time to listen to music. How can that be? Who doesn't have time for music? I mean you may not like the music I listen to but there has to be some music that can stir your soul. I feel sorry for them and think about how music is so intertwined with my life. Name a song and I will automatically remember the time associated with that song. Like for example the song by Elton John My Song for You reminds me of 9th grade in Mr McGuire's class and the big crush I had on Richard Seals. Or Kashmir by Led Zeppelin reminds me of the first time I ever had an orgasm or even knew I could have one! Nine Inch Nails Head Like a Hole reminds of a shitty job I once had where everybody was fucked up and I would get in my car and play that album and scream the words along with Trent.The Eagles Desperado reminds of when I was in nursing school and since it was one of the few songs I knew all the words to would sing it to the newborn babies.Or Bob Seger's album Night Moves reminds me of when I lived way out in the country with 4 other roommates in a huge old farmhouse and would have parties that lasted days!Well, you see where I am going with this. To this day if I get some crappy song stuck in my head like Zombie or the Flagpole Sitter I can start thinking about Crazy train By Ozzie and shove the bad song out of my mind. I know what my passion is and even though I personally can't sing worth a damn or play any musical instrument it is and will forever be MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC!!!

I know Why

Okay so to continue with the saga of my mind driving me crazy...This morning I was driving to work thinking about RB and I called an old friend from high school. She is 3 yrs. older than me and she has always been pushy and bossy. I just wanted to talk to someone. She asked how I was doing and I told her I was having a hard time with it.I told her that Oct.9th was looming over me and she asked why. I told her that was the day I found out he was cheating on me and had another woman. The last time I saw him was the next day on the 10th. 1 yr. without seeing him. 1000 days and I am where? almost to 365.Anyway, she listened and then she told me I needed to get over it and move on. Wow, why didn't I think of that. I told her that was what I wanted and she said I need to realize he doesn't love me he never loved me and all he did was take advantage of me and then move on. I balked at this and told her it would be hard to think of the last 10 yrs. of my life as something cheap and deceitful. I don't believe that, nor do I think it was something you should say to someone who is brokenhearted. Get over it, you don't know what love is because that is not what you had! Whatever! I think I will think twice before calling her back again. She never liked Marshall and felt he kept me from visiting her. He didn't, she is annoying enough on her own to keep me away. Today she is having her lips tattooed brown-the outline of her lips. Is that strange or what? OK enough about her now me. I know why I can't get over him. I hate to say it but I have been thinking of nothing else. I am not over him because, and I hate more than anything to admit it, but, I still love him. Damn it I do. I can't help it. I loved him with all my heart and soul for so long it's like I can't turn it off. I so wish I could but I can't and I am so very tired of trying. I can't drink it away, or eat it away, or smoke it away, or drug it away, or run away from it. It's just there like a big old albatross hanging around my neck. Dragging me down ,down, down. I have good days, yes and I have such good friends in my life. I know all this and believe me they all wish I could get on with my life too. I am so sure they are sick of me whining and moping around. Me too.

Where is My Blog??

I can't see it when I go to the page so I have to wonder what happened. Should I be upset or worried that my on line journal is missing? Where should I look for it? AUGHHRRRRR!!!!!

Why Do I Do the Things I Do?

I know you are all tired of hearing about the Rat bastard and you would think I was tired of thinking about him all the time. I am by the way. Anyway, he has a myspace and I check it periodically when apparently I need to torture myself. I checked it today and there was a message there from the skank he left for she was saying happy anniversary it has been 1 yr. and 12 month since they got together. What the fuck ever. I want to delete him from my life. Do you watch Nip/Tuck? Last week Christian and Sean were talking about a woman Sean had slept with and he was saying he didn't want to see her anymore. Christian picked up Sean's cell phone while he was talking and asked the girls name. Sean said Monica and Christian deleted her number from Sean's phone. He said there ya go and threw the phone back at Sean. Problem solved. I wish I had a Christian to delete Marshall from my memory. I know he loves her. I know this. I know she loves him too. I know this so why do I keep torturing myself? Can someone explain this to me because I am a smart girl. I need to know why I keep doing this! God I wish I knew! I need a mind sweep. It still hurts so bad. My friend Jana says 1000 days.The day I found out he was cheating on me and I kicked him out was October 9th. It is right around the corner and if I can stay sane this week then I may be alright.Give me strength Lord, please give me strength. I can't really cry to my friends anymore because they are all tired of hearing about it too. One of them told me last week it had been a year and I needed to get over it already. Geez, I wish I had thought of that. Yeh, just get over it. get over the last 10 yrs. of your life. The last wasted ten years of my life. I try so hard to maintain and feel like I do a pretty good job of it. I try to stay upbeat and busy so as not to go there but it is always there. I have tried to drink it away,smoke it away, eat it away, cry it away, and laugh it away. I don't know of anything else I can do. It just comes over me like out of no where. I know this is a going to be a very hard couple of weeks for me and I so wish it were over. I am making a promise to myself today that I so want to keep and that is not to go to his lame ass myspace page ever again. I wish wish wish he would just fade away. Just fade away from my memory. I want to be happy really I do more than anything else so why do I torture myself. I am so not over him yet! Damn damn damn!!!

Monday,Monday

Well, yes it is Monday again. I had a nice weekend. My friend Polly was in from New Mexico.She came in to go see Live in concert. I mean the band Live okay. I didn't go because the venue had no seats and I can only stand for hours at a time for the Counting Crows,Better Than Ezra, and Collective Soul. Oh and the Elvis tribute shows 2 times a year which is really not standing but more like a 3 hr. dance a thon. Anyways, the clits all got together over at Jan's house and we gave Polly a birthday party. Her birthday was last week. I gave her a tiara of course. There was a decadent chocolate cake with fudge frosting that I about died for but did not eat any of it. I also didn't drink anything either. I am on yet another diet and was detoxing eating only fruits and veggies with minimal amount of grains and milk products thrown in. So far I have lost 5 lbs. and I only started last Tuesday. It is the Fat Smash diet. I think I have been on every diet there is. If I took all the weight I have ever lost and put it together I wouldn't be here anymore. My friend Connie another clit is my inspiration. She is a single mother also a nurse who just decided she wanted to be around for her son and be able to enjoy being with him so she quit smoking cigarettes and went on a diet. She started going to the gym every night after work. She has lost over 40 lbs. at least. I am just gonna have to keep thinking about her when I feel weak. I need to be anorexic for about 6-9 months. I am a dyslexic anorexic!I spent all day yesterday cleaning my bedroom. I don't know about you all but I am not the world's best house keeper. My house is in disarray anyway because of the remodel but I haven't dusted or swept or mopped the bedroom except for surface stuff so it "looks" clean in about 6- weeks so it needed a good cleaning. Yeah, so now I have at least one clean room in the house. I have been in a Grey's Anatomy bubble all weekend. I started watching it about 3 shows from the season ending last season. I have Season 2 on DVD and watched it all weekend while cleaning etc. The weather is not responding to the calendar and has decided to give us more "dog day afternoons" with temps today reaching the 90's is the forecast. All right when I start talking about the weather then I need to wrap it up. I plan on spending the week cleaning the living room and washing an inordinate amount of laundry. Then I get to go see Bonnie Raitt this weekend.

Saturday

I have to take Dooley and 1 of the big dogs to the vet today. Just a check up with shots. I cannot take both of the big dogs at the same time because they are too big and hate the vet.But, I am going to the new vet the nice one this time.