Beading gal and Lori in Florida birthday girls

Today is a big day for 2 of my blogging friends, Lori in Florida and Beadingal. This is their birthday. Yeah Linda and Lori Happy happy birthday girls. Everybody go by and wish them a happpy birthday!

Qigong Healing

I don't know if you have heard of this or not but I have done it once before and had some amazing results. It is energy healing done by this man who does group sessions. He lives on the west coast but he can send the healing energy to you no matter where you are. Now, I know there are those of you who say Oh come on Mary, please but don't knock it till you tried it. The first time I did it I did what he said.I laid down in a quiet still place and meditated. The session started at 10 pm central time and immediately I felt this intense sharp pain in my left knee. It was so uncomfortable I wanted to stop it but I couldn't so I quieted myself and started taking deep breaths and after a few tense minutes I was able to calm down and the pain was less. I eventually fell asleep. The next morning my knee felt better than it had for weeks. This was back when I was using a walker/cane to ambulate. Now, of course I am walking on my own. A little slow and worse for the wear but I can loco mote on my own steam so to speak.So, I am a believer. Tonight starts the month long sessions. He does a session once a week but the benefits are felt for much longer than that. This is his website if you want to check it out.http://www.qigongenergyhealing.com/

Phone Loops

Who ever came up with a 5 day work week should be shot but I am sure they are already dead from working too much. Today my job is to get ahold of Blue Cross Blue Shield customer service. I have been on the phone all morning. I keep getting put in a phone loop and keep pressing buttons until they direct me back to the original message. Makes you feel real safe knowing they got your back uh...NOT! I don't have BCBS but a pt. we had on service does and now they don't want to pay so they put you in this phone loop. They should do this to the terrorists. It would drive them nuts! They would just kill themselves to keep from hearing that perky fucking voice again saying Welocme to Blue Cross Blue Shield:AUGHHH!!!I am having a MRI done on my shoulder today. The x-ray shows arthritis in it too. Dang! I am falling apart. This is the last week for my rooster comb injections in my knees. I can't tell it is doing much but then again my knees have been pretty good lately thank you God!The shots hurt like hell but ut is nothing compared to the pain I have when they are "acting up" Knowing this you would think I could take those shots no problem but I do dread it right up till the day I get them and go home. Ok gotta go t=do the "W" some more.

Beading Gal Rocks

Ohh see how pretty my new blog page is everyone? Well, I didn't do it! Beading Gal did! Thank you so much Miss Linda. You are a rockstar for sure.I had a good weekend.Not much to report. I stayed around the house and did some work. Here in Austin 2 times a year we have big trash day. That is when you can throw out anything that will not fit in your trash can. We have a pay as you throw deal here. They force you to recycle which is good but they do not pass the savings on to us so to speak. Anyway, I digress. I had some debris from the house remodel to get rid of. I love to drive by and see what the neighbors deem as unworthy to keep. Jeff Foxworthy says you might be a redneck if the sofa you have in the den tonight was sitting on the curb this morning! I used to love to go see what the students throw out at the end of the semester. They will toss just about anything. When I first moved to Austin I think half of my househlod furniture came from University toss outs. Hey, I was poor!This morning I could hear the guys who come looking for old appliances picking stuff up. I have a nighbor that I swear is a meth head. She is skinny as a rail and all the time on the move. She reminds me of Tommy Lee. Always licking her lips and this is a dead give away she leaf blows and trims her hedges at 1am. Uh Yeh!Anyway, I saw her out there last night rummaging thru the stuff I threw out. She came up to the door and asked if the fan I threw out worked. Uh no it does not. Oh okay well what is wrong with it? D'uh, do I look like a fan technician. She took it home to tinker with. Okay... Gotta love South Austin.

Tis the season...

I have issues with Christmas. It always makes me feel like I am not good enough to have that picture perfect holiday with my loved ones. First off, my family is a bunch of fucked up crackpots. I never get as good of gifts as I give and there is always a let down after no matter what or where you are. It is so commercial and the whole christian thing is over the top too. I mean I hate the carrolls in the store the day after Halloween.Now there is a holiday I can get behind.Halloween! You get to dress up like anyone you want to be and go door to door getting candy. Candy people!Anyway, I have decided to decorate the outside of my house with unchristmas dewcorations. I will start with an upside down tree with baby doll and barbie heads hanging off of it. I am also going to put blue and purple lights around the house. I have a huge painting of the South Park gang I thought I coould have them saying something rude and crude no cussing mind you just a little something different to shake things up. Any suggestions?

Doing Something Nice for Me

I took yesterday off as a mental health day. I have a little bit of a problem with being alone. I hate going home to an empty house. It depresses me so much. I also have problems with being out in public alone too. Like say eating in a restaurant or going to a movie. Today I decided to meet those demons head on and I went out to eat by myself. I went to Katz' which is a restaurant that serves New York deli style food. I bought a newspaper and sat there and had a lovely lunch. I then went to the movies to see Little Miss Sunshine which was way funny by the way. I felt ok coming out of the movies but I think it was because it was still daylight. I am not ready to get out and go home to a dark empty house yet. I just feel uncomfortable in public and actually feel uncomfortable at home too. I am so sick of my house being all upside down and in such chaos. I spoke with the guy who is putting in my cabinets in the kitchen. He says he will do them Oct. 11,12, and 13th. I am so ready for that to happen. I guess you could say I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I wish it were different. I am subjected to the big freeze at work from the boss lady so I ain't too cozy here either. I just wish there was some way I could get unstuck. I know I am doing much better than I was 6 months ago but I just am ready to be normal again. I am trying really hard.

Rainy Days and Mondays

It is raining in Austin today. That means all traffic comes to a halt because when we see rain in Austin we have to stop and look at it. It is so foreign to us that we need to see it actually happening. God forbid it ever snow here! I had an uneventlful weekend. I did go to a play at Zachery Scott Theratre yes we have the "atrs" here. I went Friday night with my aunt Nancy. We got out the same time the ACL fest was over so we got to experience the traffic associated with 65,000 people.I had big plans to get a lot done around the house this weekend.But, I ended up watching movies on TV and slugging around the house. I did manage to do a bout 3 loads of the ever piled up laundry. I have got to get busy with the weight loss. I need to be motivated like my pal Cory. He lost around 40 lbs. I am going to be good and go to the gym at least 3 times this week. I have found out why I have so much pain in my lt. knee. Seems I have a medical and a lateral tear in my meniscus and a lateral and posterior baker's cyst. the ones in the posterior aspect of the knee are clustered like grapes and the lateral one id about the size of a walnut. These are the source of the pain I have constantly. The Dr. says we could go in and clean it up but the surgery is a big one and if we do it, then might as well replace the knee. I am so trying to postpone that endeavor as long as possible. I have been watching the celebrity fit club on VH1 and Carnie Wilson is on there. She had gastric bypass and she is still struggling to keep her weight in check. That right there tells me no way would I do that to myself and still have to worry al the time. Why was I born so LAZY??? My psycho boss was out of the office all week "working from home" I so dod not miss her. I am in my office with the door closed and she is her office with the door closed. You would think this would buffer me from her tirades but she just shoots these fucked up e-mails telling me how poorly I performed last week only they don't SAY that. It is implied. Like we can't function around here without her. Bet over yourself. I have been talking to my friend who is the adm. and seems that the higher ups have a problem with her performance. Remember a while back when she told me she was stepping down to take a postion like mine as our census was so that we could use another me. But then the census dropped and we don't need another me. She told me then that she could have pushed to take my job from me but she didn't because I don't know .. she can hold it over my head or something. All I know is ever since all that she has not been "into"her job it seems. She is always making excuses and sending these e-mails to her superiors with these excuses of the other people in the office making it difficult for her to do her job. hence she worked all week from home. But, the way the work flows I can tell she still didn't get ther work caught up. I just keep my head down and hope like hell she can't find my blog!

Jon Stewart for President/We Don't Need no Stinking Border Patrol

How I love this guy. If you saw the Daily Show last night you witnessed one of the funniest skits yet. GW giving his speech with a celebrity spokesperson(geico commercials) next to him was Little Richard where he is screaming help me please somebody help me. When Bush says the world will be different and Little Richard screams mashed potatoes ,gravy ,and cranberry sauce I fell out. I had to rewind and watch it over and over again. If you get a chance to see it I know Comedy Central will air the show from last night sometime today ya gotta see that one part at least. You can also go to comedy central's web page and see clips from the show there. I checked today and they have the stages of grief for Bush which he did on Monday night so maybe tomorrow will be the celebrity spokesperson skit.
Ok having said that I am still caught up in the Counting Crow bubble and you can only be there for so long until you start to get depressed. Today is Wednesday and that means margaritas at Casa Garcia's after work. They know us by name there. I so enjoy a good frozen one with no salt.And don't skip on the chips and hot sauce. Now that makes hump day worth it. God I love Mexicans. They are genius'.I mean come on, who else could take beans, rice, cheese, and flour and come out with the best grub ever. Not to mention the tequila and mota they cultivate.When I lived in Hawaii people would ask me if it was paradise and I always told them the same thing,no it is not paradise. There are no good mexican restaurants there. How can it be paradise with no chili rellanos?

Tuesday we know what that means

Actually I haven't had a bad Tuesday in a while. I may be tempting the gods but I feel great today. My knee is not as painful as it was yesterday. It was SORE from the weekend. I of course had to stand and dance through both concerts. I was so weepy yesterday. I was in a Counting crows bubble. I always feel so let down when they leave town. Then all that 9/11 stuff. I was boo-hooing last night till I finally turned the TV off. I did however watch Jon Stewart on the Daily Show who can always put a smile on my face. He hates Bush almost as much as I do. I think about all those fine young men and women over there fighting those crazy zealots and think that both sides truly think they are right when really neither one of them is right. They are both very very wrong. We learned in kindergarten that nothing is solved with violence. Violence begets violence. Look at the Middle East. They have been fighting so long over there that when they are born they are taught to hate. You have to be taught to hate. I pray every day that God will show them all the truth and they can find the peace they say they want. It is just a shame that every day Americans are dying on foreign soil because of religion. It is almost an oxymoron. I am with John Lennon. I can so easily imagine no religion, nothing to kill or die for.I know, I know the American Spirit and all.. but isn't that just a bully's way out?

Perfect Blue Building

How I'm gonna keep myself away from me? Ya'll, I am in a perfect blue building now. I always feel a little down after seeing them.It's like I miss them and want to to go with them. I could so be a groupie for them. Hey, wait I am in a way. At least, when they come to Texas I am. If you have never seen them perform live then you have no idea what I am talking about. But, if you have seen them live and been up close to get the connection with Adam,then you know exactly what I mean! All of his lyrics are all about him but there is something about the way he puts his feelings in words that is so much of how I feel and the emotion he puts into them especially on stage is phenomenal.He did Round Here which is the very first song I ever heard them do.It is on the very first album and is the first song for you CC virgins out there. When he sings live no song is ever the same. He sings the way he feels right then and there. Anyway, I was down front(of course) and when he got to the part about the girl on the car in the parking lot and then went to the part about we stay up very very very very very very late. I was just bawling. He also did Black and Blue which also got me to welling and spilling.He is a poet on the same level as Springsteen. He can grab you and chunk your ass into a place that you know you have been to or are in right now and put those feelings and thoughts into words. Now, I know some of you feel he is too whiny and all but I feel what he feels. Like when he sings about being a big baby in Catapult,so much rejection in every connection I make.In San Antonio he did a cover of the Psychedelic Furs called "The Ghost in You". It was so beautiful. Falling over you is the news of the day... I look forward to a new album and he said they had been in the studio recording and Sat. night was the last gig of this tour so they will go back into the studio to record when they get back home. Every time I go, when leaving the concert I always hear someone say they didn't like the way he did "my favorite song" or why didn't he do Mr. Jones? They are all his songs and he can write them and sing them the way he wants. He can never sing a fucked up version of anything if that is the way he feels. Those people do not get it. When he started singing Murder of One the whole crowd was singing along and counting crows!!I will walk along the hillside in the summer 'neath the sunshine I am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me.Oh and The GooGoo Dolls were good too.

The Rain Queen's King

I am going to see The Counting Crows tonight. That is where I got the name of my old blog site. They do a song called the Rain King and it is actually named after a book by the same name. I so love these guys and will see them again Saturday night in Dallas. Tonight is in San Antonio.

I Am My Own Worst Enemy

I have been thinking about the whole Rat bastard thing. I started it by sending that e-mail. What did I hope to prove or get out of it? I guess I am not over him and he apparently is so over me he doesn't even think about me. I look back on every relationship I have ever and and I am always giving. Giving of myself in some way. It's like I feel I have to bring something to the table rather than just allowing myself to be liked or loved because I am lovable, not because of what I can do for you or give to you. I know I don't want to pursue any relationship with him at all and I wish I had not sent that e-mail but hey I did so now I am suffering the repercussions. I guess I felt like torturing myself a little. I need to be aware of the fact that I keep repeating the same pattern. Always having to do something for someone so they will love me. I have to remember this and the next time see myself being attracted to someone I will have to work hard not to be the go to person. I want someone to love me for who I am not for what I can do for them.Pretty much if I am comfortable in a relationship then it is probably not a good one. I would think a healthy relationship would feel foreign to me. I need to love me before I can expect someone else to love me. I am working on it. I blame my mother and Catholic school for all my craziness.

The Call

So, I have long known that for every action there is a reaction. I got a call yesterday from the R.B. He wanted to know what was up with the nasty e-mail I sent last week. He wanted me to know he felt it was childish, hurtful, and uncalled for. I told him it was just something I felt compelled to do. I asked him if he had even realized it had been 1 year. He said he knew it was around 1 year. I said no, it was exactly 1 yr ago to the day that I sent you e-mail. I said I wanted to answer the questions that he kept asking me on the multiple voice mails he had left me. I also said it hurt me that he had called with the very thin excuse of seeing how I was when in actuality he didn't care how I was, he only wanted something from me. He said he only wanted what I had told him I would give him. I told him I have nothing for him now. We couldn't even talk on the phone for 1 minute until we were arguing and saying hurtful things. He told me that the e-mail had come at a very bad time in his life. He said that he was not doing well financially,in fact he was doing terrible and that he was starting his probation from the time he got thrown in jail last year. He said he struggles each and every month with trying to pay the rent and other bills. I asked if he wasn't living with someone and he said yes but that the 2 of them didn't make that much money. He said he told me this because he knew it would make me feel better to know that the better off I am without him the worse off he is doing.He said that it seemed as if I was doing better now than I had the entire time we were together. I told him I was not happy hearing that he was struggling and that I didn't wish for him to be unhappy. I told him that the reason I had sent the e-mail and been so mean spirited was because thinking about what had happened and knowing it had been a year since he killed the old Mary stung me especially after getting all the phone calls asking how I was and if I could give him some medicine for his herpes. He said he never meant to upset me and that he had even thought of not calling but he truly did want to know how I was doing. I told him it was not a good idea for us to be talking as I still had unresolved issues involving him. He said he understood but still wanted to know if he could see the "girls". I told him they were where they had been for the last year and he was always welcome to come over and visit them in the back yard when I was at work. he said he is too broke and can't afford the gas to come this far south. I live about 7 miles from his work place. What the fuck ever dog! He said he would call me in a couple of weeks to see if maybe we could meet up for a coffee and I could bring the dogs. (there are several places here in town where you can take your dogs.) I said maybe so but I asked if he had spoken to his woman about meeting me. He said no and I asked him if he didn't think asking her was appropriate. I know if he had ever asked me if he could see her I would not have been ok with that. the conversation deteriorated into something not like communication. So, what I took away from that conversation was he was stung by my comments and he realizes that the gravy train has left the station and ain't coming back. Was I weak? Maybe, but I stood my ground too. I do not want to make amends with this person. I look at this as what can he do for me? Not what can I do for him. The answer here is nothing. He can bring nothing to the table, in fact he still owes me for bailing his ass out of jail 2 times last year after he told me he didn't love me anymore. I think back on that and to me is seemed so mean on his part. He made me think there was hope for our relationship when in fact there was no hope. he would still be here mooching off me if I hadn't found his secret out. What a tool. Will I succumb to his charms and agree to meet him for coffee and bring the dogs with? LOL, I just wonder who would be stuck with the bill for that coffee??

It is So Hard to Let Go

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


e.e. cummings
I so wish I could write like this but it is so deafeningly true it maddens me to think someone else felt this way,hurt this way,loved this way. Me too, me too.

150 things about me-swiped from Femme Noire

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink-yes once. There were only 6 people in the bar at the time!

02. Swam with wild dolphins-yes when I lived in Hawaii. I had a friend who came to visit and we went to Kauia and took a boat trip along the southern coastline. The boat stopped and we got and snorkeled with some dolphins. They would get just so close as you were just out of arm's reach and then jump up and twirl around laughing and running off. I was having the time of my life when I looked up at my friend. She had never been in the ocean much less snorkeled. She was in awe and trying hard to keep up. I went back and showed her how to snorkel without swallowing all the water. The dolphins were laughing at us the whole time and she actually did touch one. She finally got up the strength to put her face in the water when this one little one came up and swam between her legs and kind of nudged her chin. She swallowed some more water and stuck her head back in! Gee, that was a great time and I am so glad I remembered it.
03. Climbed a mountain-I climbed part of a motion once in the smoke Mountains to see a beautiful waterfall. It was about a 10 mile trek.

04. Taken a Ferreira for a test drive-No, but when I lived in Hawaii I had a friend who would go and rent those fancy cars for the weekend and he did have a Ferreira once and I did drive it.

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid-Only the one in Las Vegas.

06. Held a tarantula- LOL When I was a kid I caught one. It slipped out of my hand and I kept trying to capture it again using a coffee can. It kept getting bigger and bigger. My mom came out to the carport where I was wrangling the little fell and 'bout had a stroke. She was screaming and scooping me up crying "oh my poor baby"

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone-Oh yeah!

08. Said 'I love you' and meant it -Absolutely!

09. Hugged a tree-When I was growing up I lived in the country and I had me a thinking tree. I don't know as I hugged it but I was fond of it. It is still there.

10. Bungee jumped-No it looks like it would snap your neck!

11. Visited Paris- If you mean Texas then yeh, I grew up in Paris!

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea- Yes, it is awesome and not something you see very much of for sure. It is kind of scary!

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise- I used to work the night shift so that would be a great big hell yeah!

14. Seen the Northern Lights- No, but it is on my to do list.

15. Gone to a huge sports game-Can you say Dallas Cowboys?

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa -Nope

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables- I had a salsa garden a couple of years ago.

18. Touched an iceberg-No

19. Slept under the stars- My first vacation as a big girl was to a place called Lake o' the Pines. I was with 2 other girlfriends and we slept in fold out lounge chairs and covered up with beach blankets. The stars at night are big and bright....

20. Changed a baby's diaper- Yuck...yes

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon-Yes, I was spending the night in city park once and woke up to a hot air balloon being fired up. it was for a cigarette ad. My then fella and I walked over and started chatting with the owner and he took us up after the shoot. It was pretty cool. And a little scary. I could see for miles and miles.

22. Watched a meteor shower - Yes, once I went to visit some friends in Longview and we took a ride out to the country and lay down on the ground with each of us facing a different direction. It was spectacular. It felt as if they could fall on top of you.

23. Gotten drunk on champagne- Oh yeah, what a hangover.

24. Given more than you can afford to charity- My friend Nancy used to go work the Children's Network Telethon every year. She would get on the phone and call me! I would end up having to give all my money to her just to get off the phone!

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope- I used to have a telescope but it burnt up in the big fire of 1986 when my Grandmother's house burnt down with all my stored stuff in it.

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment- I used to have a civics teacher in high school named Mr. Byrd. He was a short tiny little imp of a man and he was always flicking his waddle(under his chin) and darting his tongue in and out of his mouth. I was giving an answer one day to the class and him and I looked over at him flicking and twitching and I couldn't help it. I laughed till I almost peed myself and had to run out of the room.

27. Had a food fight - Junior year in the cafeteria. My weapon of choice,mashed potaotes and green peas. What a combo. Jello,not so much.

28. Bet on a winning horse-Oh yeh, I used to run bets for my Grandaddy when we would go to the races in Hot Springs.

29. Asked out a stranger- Yeh, I had a huge crush on this guy once. He wouldn't give me the time of day so I asked out this resident at the hospital where I worked. I don't know why I asked him out except that he was the closetst guy around and I needed to prove to myself I was hot and wanted. Self esteem issues ya know. I asked him to go see Delbert McClinton with me. He did! We ended up dating for a while and he knew I wanted to go to Perth and he got a fellowship there and asked me to marry him. I said no and I have always wondered what my life would have been like if I had siad yes. I was in love with someone else. I broke a heart and eventually got my heart broken. You know what they say, time heals all wounds. I say Time wounds all heels as well.!

30. Had a snowball fight - When I was a kid but I haven't seen snow in so long beings as I live at the back door of hell!

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can- When I worked in the trauma unit here in Austin,after an exceptionally hard shift Nancy and I used to go sit at the end of the runway at the airport and when the planes would fly over we would scream and scream. It felt really good and was a great stress buster.

32. Held a lamb- D'uh I am Mary after all.

33. Seen an eclipse- The last one I saw was a while back and I looked at it through a piece of cobalt.

34. Ridden a roller coaster - My Grandaddy was a roller coaster fiend. So, yes I have ridden many a roller coaster. The wooden ones are my favorite. I am not a fan of the upside down ones either.

35. Hit a home run- When I played soft ball eons ago.I was the catcher and sometimes shortstop! I had to quit because I was sweating!!

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking- every time I see Better Than Ezra Oh and Collective Soul too !

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day- When I was in junior high a friend of mine and I had this guy convienced I was from Spain.

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment- Sometimes especially when I am coming back home from being out of town and I first drive into Austin and see the skyline I feel incredibly happy to be a part of such a cool city. It feels like a bubbly spot in my not heart or belly but like my soul smiling.

39. Had two hard drives for your computer -You said hard drive!:)

40. Visited all 10 provinces or all 50 states -No I have never been to Maine, New Hamshire,or Alaska.

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk- Too many times to count.

42. Had amazing friends- Abso fuckin lutely! I still do!

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country- Yes, I danced with a beautiful man in the Dominican Republic. He taught me how to dirty dance. Nobody puts baby in the corner!

44. Watched wild whales- Yes,yes,yes. When I lived in Hawaii I would go to Maui just to see the Humpback whales. They travel between Maui and Lanai with their babies in the spring heading back to the cooler waters up north.

45. Stolen a sign- Yes . There is a town, community really outside of Paris called High... so well you get the picture.

46. Backpacked in Europe- never

47. Taken a road-trip- One of my favorite things to do is just get in the car and go. This always worked th R.B. He always had to have a plan. I hate a fuckin' plan all the time. Get a grip!

48. Gone rock climbing-Have you ever heard of Enchanted Rock? It is this big ol' granite rock that just shoots up out of the ground in the hill country. I have climbed it a time or two. When I was young my cousins lived in Grants, New mexico. My aunt would load us up in the station wagon and take us out to a mesa and say ok go climb.

49. Midnight walk on the beach- Well, yes, I did live in Hawaii. I had some girlfriends who were from Boston. They taught me that when you go out on the town you are getting" pretty". We were all on the beach one night and we wrote out the word pretty in the sand. Everyone was saying where they were on the spelling of the word. Some were on the r some on the t and some were sliding off the y. I was so drunk I told them I was fucking beautiful!

50. Gone sky diving -hell no

51. Visited Ireland - no, but it is on my list

52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love- most assuredly so.Dan Jennings wherever you are y0u broke my heart so bad that I mourned the loss of you for years and years. The original Rat Bastard. Generation One.

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them- no, but once when I was in Chinatown and no one understood English I did walk up to some people's table and point at what I wanted them to bring me.

54. Visited Japan-No But I did live in Hawaii, does that count? I did work in a Japanese hospital in Honolulu.

55. Milked a cow- yeh, it is harder than it looks too.

56. Alphabetized your cds- they are now.

57. Pretended to be a superhero- I wished I could be Wonder Woman and use the Lasso of truth.

58. Sung karaoke- Bunches of drunken times

59. Lounged around in bed all day- every chance I get!

60. Posed nude in front of strangers-Not intentionally.

61. Gone scuba diving- yes and it is so awesome.Much more fun than snokeling.

62. Kissed in the rain-oh yeh!

63. Played in the mud - I had a friend Shirley Noles whose dad owned a quarry and we would go there and play in some serious mud. I lost my shoes once in there.

64. Played in the rain- any chance I get.

65. Gone to a drive-in theater- Oh yeah! I would tell you some stories but then that could take a long time. Some other time maybe!

66. Visited the Great Wall of China-no but I am sure it is spectacular.

67. Started a business- no but my dream is to open up my own doggie day care business

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken-No never ! Just once is all I need. Just the one time!

69. Toured ancient sites-Yes when I lived in Hawaii I toured many an ancient site. I am Souix also and have been to the ancient lands of the people.

70. Taken a martial arts class- I do Tai chi; a form of martial arts although not a form of self defense.

71. Played D&D for 6 hours straight- I never played it once.

72. Gotten married-no but I am open to discussion.

73. Been in a movie- I was in the crowd in the movie Honeysuckle Rose.

74. Crashed a party-I got so drunk I ended up making out with the girl whose party it was boyfriend. Oops.

75. Gotten divorced-no,see # 72

76. Gone without food for 5 days- honey, no way I have even gone without food for more than 2 days. If so, I was SICK!!!

77. Made cookies from scratch- I make some good snickerdoodle cookies.

78. Won first prize in a costume contest-no, it's a bad topic for me. I don't want to talk about it!

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice-no and I want to very much. I did ride the gandola in Las Vegas. I stayed at the Venetian once and it was so beautiful I cried when we had to leave.

80. Gotten a tattoo-yes I have a pink rose on my left shoulder in memory of my dear friend Nancy

81. Rafted the Snake Dead River-I don't even know where this is

82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"- no but I was on Extreme Makeover when my friend Kim and her brother got makeovers. You could see a flash of me in the background being surprised at the transformation of my friend.

83. Got flowers for no reason-yeh...he was probably cheating on me and I just didn't know it!

84. Performed on stage -yes, in the 8th grade our class performed skits based on Laugh-In. I was Edith Ann. Now, we see how old you are. If you remember Edith Anne...well you are my age !

85. Been to Las Vegas- Oh Yeh, baby!! And I am ready to go again!!

86. Recorded music- for your sake ...no

87. Eaten shark- yes and it was good too.

88. Had a one-night stand- I refuse to answer that on account of well I don't want you to think I'm a hoochie mama. I believe the sport is called fly fishing...or sport fucking whichever floats your boat!

89. Gone to Thailand- no but I love Thai food.

90. Bought a house- yeh, I loved mine so much I bought it twice.

91. Been in a combat zone- only the weekend shift at the trauma unit, it can be like the knife and gun club.

92. Buried one of your parents- I was raised by my Grandparents who were like my parents and they are both dead now. So, yes I have.

93. Been on a cruise ship- only to see someone else off.

94. Spoken more than one language fluently-Si,Yo hablo Espanol ,pero mi grammatico is muy mal! Que lastima!

95. Performed in aisles at Rocky Horror- When I first moved to Austin Rocky HorrorPicture Show was on at thr Riverside Therater every Saturday night at midnight. We would go dressed up like our favorite character. I was always Magenta.

96. Raised children- I helped raise a friend of mine's teeneage son. He actually lived with me for a few years until he strated doing cocaine and I had to kick him out.

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour- Counting Crows, every time they come to Texas I go where they go. Not only me but a few of my friends too. Love them so much!Am seeing them 2 times this go round and it will start this Friday!

98. Created and named your own constellation of stars-no, I have never been that high before!

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country- no way. Bicycles hurt my butt.

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over- I guess you could say that. I was a travelling nurse for several years and lived all over the U.S. I worked in trauma/ICus. I would be in each place for 13 weeks. It was great. They paid my way there and back and put me up in my own apt.Nice!That is how I got to hawaii!

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge-nope but I have driven it a few times.

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking-each and every day on the way home from work in traffic jams.

103. Had plastic surgery- no but I could use some lipo. Maybe my eyelids too. Nip/Tuck baby! I LOVE that show and it starts this week!!

104. Survived an illness that you shouldn't have survived- no I had Hepatitis in the '70's and thought I was gonna die though.

105. Wrote articles for a large publication- nope.

106. Lost over 100 pounds- in my lifetime yes at one time ,no.

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback- Once in high school ,my friend was having a bad trip. I held her all night and told carttons to her so she wouldn't get scary things in her head.

108. Piloted an airplane- uh, no.

109. Petted a stingray-no but I ran from one once. I almost stepped on him. Now I will never pet one because well, crikey, they've killed me mate Steve!

110. Broken someone's heart- oh yes, once and it was just awful ,I tell ya awful. He stood on my front porch begging me to take him back. I felt so bad and knew exactly what he was going through and felt terrible that I was the one causing him such misery. It still hurts to think about it.

111. Helped an animal give birth- I have had lots of cats,dogs, and horses in my life so yes I have been present at quite a few animal births and assisited as much as I could.

112. Won money on a T.V. game show- no I never won any money anywhere except a little in Vegas.

113. Broken a bone-no

114. Gone on an African photo safari-no

115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced- LOL no

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol- I grew up in the country in Texas. I have fired a pistol and a shotgun

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild-yes yes yes. I can pick the good kind of mushrooms. You know the kind that grow out of cow shit?

118. Ridden a horse- I was a little cowgirl growing up. My horses' name was Snipper. He was a paint. I loved him so much.

119. Had major surgery-no had my tonsils out as a kid.

120. Had a snake as a pet- OMG no way!

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon- I rode a mule down to the bottom.

122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours- yes when I stayed up once for over 56 hrs.

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states-no

124. Visited all 7 continents-no

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days-yes down the Rio Grande back in my 20's. A bunch of friends went down the river. It was a five day trip. it was cool. I had a 2 man white water raft but I just stowed my gear in the back and away we went. It was beautiful and lonesome all at the same time. The stars were so big and bright it was like you could just reach up and touch them.

126. Eaten kangaroo meat-no

127. Eaten sushi-love sushi so much!

128. Had your picture in the newspaper- once I think for some school activity as a kid.

129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about- yes I once had a heated discussion about abortion once with this guy who was so "pro-life" I am not an advocate of abortion. It is not something I would personally do but until you walk a mile in someone's shoes you can't possibly know what you would do in that situation. I believe in choices for everyone. My choice would be not to abort but then hey, I can say that never having had to make that choice. See, what I mean? Plus, I am fairly certain if men had the babies abortion would be a consitutional amendment.

130. Gone back to school- I went to bartending school. I am way fun at parties!

131. Parasailed-yes off a boat in the Pacific in guess where? Yep, Hawaii. Did I mention I lived there before??

132. Petted a cockroach- NO!!

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes-yeh, I am not too crazy about them but in the south they fry everthing! I have had a deep fried twinkie before though!Not good.

134. Read The Iliad- Yes and I actually liked it. It has a lot of moral fortitude in it. I guess that is what I mean to say. It is a sad tale as well.

135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read-Yes Steinbeck and F.Scott Fitzgerald. I liked Steinbeck better than F. Scott.

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating-yes, I have fished and caught it and gutted it and then cooked it.

137. Skipped all your school reunions- No I went to my 10th reunion. Got drunk and had a friend's wife corner me in the bathroom to tell me she was sick of hearing about me and I told her I was a lesbian and that her husband had been the turning point for me!Hey, it kept her from beating the shit outta me!

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language- I used to play Spades with this girl Sherry a long time ago but when we played as partners we could give each other signals. Then of course, there are the signals you got from the parents when you were a teenager. I didn't pay any attention to them though , well most of the itme.

139. Been elected to public office- no, I was secretary of the student council in high school.

140. Written your own computer language- I haven't figured out this one yet!

141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream- yes, there have been times when I was doing exactly what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it with who I wanted to do it with.

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care- I once worked at a residential hospice house for people with AIDS. I was the intake nurse and there were 5 rooms. When one became open it was my job to interview the people on the list. I may have a list with 13 people on it ,then when I would go back to the list maybe only 7 people were left. It was a hard job and I was there for a little over a year. I gained a lot of weight back then. I think I saw 56 people die that year. It was the hardest job I ever had.I HATE AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!

143. Built your own PC from parts- I think the one I am using now is like that.

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you- I used to throw porttery and I had a booth with a friend in Waxahatchie. They have a big medieval fair every year.I did not like selling my art to people I don't know. It would piss me off sometimes when they would stand there and say that they could get the same thing at K-Mart! Now, I paint and I don't sell or give my paintings away either. I gave one to a friend of mine and she put it in the spare bedroom with all the kid art. Yeh, the kid art.

145. Had a booth at a street fair- well, yeh, along the same lines as the fair I was peddling my pottery.

146: Dyed your hair- My hair will not bleach or take a dye. I once had a rinse on it that made it look purple but a patient freaked out because she was epileptic and sometimes they see an aura before they have a seizure and she thought she was having a one.

147: Been a DJ- I made a tape once for a male stripper who came to my house for a party. Does that count?

148: Shaved your head-Uh nooo!

149: Caused a car accident-well if you call sitting at a red light and not getting out of the way when some old geezer rammed me with his truck from behind. He was drunk and got and told me I was "dawdelling."Hell, I was sitting still behind 2 other cars you idiot!! He killed my Camareo!

150: Saved someone's life-I have actually. I did CPR on a guy who fell out in a department store. Turned out he was having a heart attack. I had just graduated nursing school. It was freaky too. He threw up in my mouth ( back then there were no universal precaustions). You would think it would have made me throw up and I did just not until the EMS guys got there to take over. To this dayI can't eat balogna!!Nowadays I carry a one way valved mask just in case!

My Letter to The Rat Bastard

I sent this to Marshall on the 1 year anniversary of our breakup and my breakdown.I know I probably shouldn't have sent it but well, that's how I roll people.


One year ago yesterday you told me you didn't love me anymore. You may not remember it but it is a day that will forever be etched in my mind. I remember the levee breaking in New Orleans and feeling so very upset and sad for those people only to have you throw that bombshell at me. It was a mortal wound that I thought I would never get over. In fact, I told you I didn't want to talk about it. You hurt me more than anyone in my life including my mother who abandoned me and has continuously caused me pain and suffering. But you, I never saw it coming. You connived and sneaked around hiding your new love from me knowing I would ask you to leave. I know now you didn't care that you hurt me. You only cared that your life would change. In that you would not be able to live off me anymore. I had such a hard year because of that day. You showed me your true colors. You tossed me aside like yesterday's newspaper. You spent 10 plus years with me and all that time you were ashamed of us. I never knew that until I found out that all my friends and family knew we were a couple but all your friends didn't. I remember how Paul treated me and called me so many hurtful names.I know now that you too were calling me those things and then coming home and making love to me. I feel sorry for you. How hard it must be to live a life of lies and deceit. Is that how it is now? I can't imagine putting myself in a situation with a person that I knew lied and cheated but then again I did do that didn't I? My life has changed so much. I have managed to pay off all my outstanding debt. I have re-financed the house and have redone the inside. There are no white walls anywhere in the house.I have a brand new kitchen. I have central air and central heat. I have a new puppy Dooley named after Nancy who is the love of my life. I have my other 2 dogs that you abandoned Osa and Chula and of course there is still Miss Charlotte to keep me company. As for me I am surviving the loss of the dearest person in the world. I still miss Nancy and cry for the loss. I guess you never get over something like that. But, I am over you! It feels great to say that. I never thought this time last year I would be where I am today which is in a much better place than I have been in a very long time. You killed the Mary you knew and pretended to love. She felt so used and betrayed by you. She thought you loved her. I know better and I am strong because of the pain and suffering you put me through. I have no regrets about the time I spent with you. I did truly love you with all my heart. I loved you so much that I put you and your needs ahead of me always. I thought you were better than me. I thought I couldn't do any better than you. Funny because now, I can't for the life of me imagine why I stayed with you for so long. I put all my dreams and future aside for you. To make sure you were provided for. I hope you do find happiness Marshall. I really do.I want you to love that woman with all your heart and soul. I want you to be so happy you think you just couldn't be any happier. I really do. Then ,when she lies and cheats on you , I want you to feel just 1/100th of how I feel. But hey, with your track record of lies and cheating you could just as easily do the same thing to her but I am betting on the other way around. I mean come on, you have to think about it just a little bit right? Is she seeing someone else? Does she come straight home after work? Who is she seeing when she is not with you? Makes you think,huh? Good luck to you. You are going to need it.

Ahem, Can you say bitter ,party of one? I really am not bitter but I had to throw that little seed of doubt in htere. Makes it just that much more fun,huh? Oh, and by the way, he has a my space now. It is sooooo lame. His grilfriend is on there as friend Dawnster what the fuck kind of name is that anyways. I found it interesting that on her page she says she is in a relationship and on his he says he is single. Things that make you go HMMMMM.

Just some thoughts

I don't have much to say today. I was off yesterday and can't for the life of me figure out why I didn't ask for today off too. I am off Monday for the holiday. I was busy yesterday. I had the guys from the a/c company come out and seal up all the ducts and caulk any that were leaking. They also put insulation in my attic and weatherstipped the doors and windows. They did not put the solar screens on and that is a good thing because I need to wash the windows first and 2 of the windows are broken.My cute handy man Joseph will come out to fix the broken windows he says today but we will see. I was going to go to Dallas for the weekeknd but I am already going next weekend to see the Counting Crows so I am staying home and redoing my closet. I got one of those organizer with shelves and racks and all that good stuff. I may even tackle the room of pain. When the guys went there yesterday to fix the duct in there they cleared a space for their ladder and now I can get in there. What a mess. There is a concert /festival going on downtown this weekend. They are calling it the bat fest. We have a very large colony of bats that live under the Congress Ave bridge that spans the river or as we call it Town Lake. They fly out at dusk and the tourists all owhh and ahh at them. I have a bridge down the road from my house that also has a large colony of bats. Big whoop! They stink but they do eat the mosquitos so that is a good thing.Okay so now I know why Supernova wanted to keep Patrice Pike in the running to be lead singer for the group. Their songwriting skills suck. The songs they have been showcasing are sophomoric and simple. What do you expect from a bunch of guys who were never the songwriters og the bands they came from anyways. I am so hoping Toby wins because if he does I am so right there up front to see his cute little ass.But Dalana is by far the bast singer in the group. She is too good for them actually. Any comments?