My Letter to The Rat Bastard
I sent this to Marshall on the 1 year anniversary of our breakup and my breakdown.I know I probably shouldn't have sent it but well, that's how I roll people.
One year ago yesterday you told me you didn't love me anymore. You may not remember it but it is a day that will forever be etched in my mind. I remember the levee breaking in New Orleans and feeling so very upset and sad for those people only to have you throw that bombshell at me. It was a mortal wound that I thought I would never get over. In fact, I told you I didn't want to talk about it. You hurt me more than anyone in my life including my mother who abandoned me and has continuously caused me pain and suffering. But you, I never saw it coming. You connived and sneaked around hiding your new love from me knowing I would ask you to leave. I know now you didn't care that you hurt me. You only cared that your life would change. In that you would not be able to live off me anymore. I had such a hard year because of that day. You showed me your true colors. You tossed me aside like yesterday's newspaper. You spent 10 plus years with me and all that time you were ashamed of us. I never knew that until I found out that all my friends and family knew we were a couple but all your friends didn't. I remember how Paul treated me and called me so many hurtful names.I know now that you too were calling me those things and then coming home and making love to me. I feel sorry for you. How hard it must be to live a life of lies and deceit. Is that how it is now? I can't imagine putting myself in a situation with a person that I knew lied and cheated but then again I did do that didn't I? My life has changed so much. I have managed to pay off all my outstanding debt. I have re-financed the house and have redone the inside. There are no white walls anywhere in the house.I have a brand new kitchen. I have central air and central heat. I have a new puppy Dooley named after Nancy who is the love of my life. I have my other 2 dogs that you abandoned Osa and Chula and of course there is still Miss Charlotte to keep me company. As for me I am surviving the loss of the dearest person in the world. I still miss Nancy and cry for the loss. I guess you never get over something like that. But, I am over you! It feels great to say that. I never thought this time last year I would be where I am today which is in a much better place than I have been in a very long time. You killed the Mary you knew and pretended to love. She felt so used and betrayed by you. She thought you loved her. I know better and I am strong because of the pain and suffering you put me through. I have no regrets about the time I spent with you. I did truly love you with all my heart. I loved you so much that I put you and your needs ahead of me always. I thought you were better than me. I thought I couldn't do any better than you. Funny because now, I can't for the life of me imagine why I stayed with you for so long. I put all my dreams and future aside for you. To make sure you were provided for. I hope you do find happiness Marshall. I really do.I want you to love that woman with all your heart and soul. I want you to be so happy you think you just couldn't be any happier. I really do. Then ,when she lies and cheats on you , I want you to feel just 1/100th of how I feel. But hey, with your track record of lies and cheating you could just as easily do the same thing to her but I am betting on the other way around. I mean come on, you have to think about it just a little bit right? Is she seeing someone else? Does she come straight home after work? Who is she seeing when she is not with you? Makes you think,huh? Good luck to you. You are going to need it.
Ahem, Can you say bitter ,party of one? I really am not bitter but I had to throw that little seed of doubt in htere. Makes it just that much more fun,huh? Oh, and by the way, he has a my space now. It is sooooo lame. His grilfriend is on there as friend Dawnster what the fuck kind of name is that anyways. I found it interesting that on her page she says she is in a relationship and on his he says he is single. Things that make you go HMMMMM.
One year ago yesterday you told me you didn't love me anymore. You may not remember it but it is a day that will forever be etched in my mind. I remember the levee breaking in New Orleans and feeling so very upset and sad for those people only to have you throw that bombshell at me. It was a mortal wound that I thought I would never get over. In fact, I told you I didn't want to talk about it. You hurt me more than anyone in my life including my mother who abandoned me and has continuously caused me pain and suffering. But you, I never saw it coming. You connived and sneaked around hiding your new love from me knowing I would ask you to leave. I know now you didn't care that you hurt me. You only cared that your life would change. In that you would not be able to live off me anymore. I had such a hard year because of that day. You showed me your true colors. You tossed me aside like yesterday's newspaper. You spent 10 plus years with me and all that time you were ashamed of us. I never knew that until I found out that all my friends and family knew we were a couple but all your friends didn't. I remember how Paul treated me and called me so many hurtful names.I know now that you too were calling me those things and then coming home and making love to me. I feel sorry for you. How hard it must be to live a life of lies and deceit. Is that how it is now? I can't imagine putting myself in a situation with a person that I knew lied and cheated but then again I did do that didn't I? My life has changed so much. I have managed to pay off all my outstanding debt. I have re-financed the house and have redone the inside. There are no white walls anywhere in the house.I have a brand new kitchen. I have central air and central heat. I have a new puppy Dooley named after Nancy who is the love of my life. I have my other 2 dogs that you abandoned Osa and Chula and of course there is still Miss Charlotte to keep me company. As for me I am surviving the loss of the dearest person in the world. I still miss Nancy and cry for the loss. I guess you never get over something like that. But, I am over you! It feels great to say that. I never thought this time last year I would be where I am today which is in a much better place than I have been in a very long time. You killed the Mary you knew and pretended to love. She felt so used and betrayed by you. She thought you loved her. I know better and I am strong because of the pain and suffering you put me through. I have no regrets about the time I spent with you. I did truly love you with all my heart. I loved you so much that I put you and your needs ahead of me always. I thought you were better than me. I thought I couldn't do any better than you. Funny because now, I can't for the life of me imagine why I stayed with you for so long. I put all my dreams and future aside for you. To make sure you were provided for. I hope you do find happiness Marshall. I really do.I want you to love that woman with all your heart and soul. I want you to be so happy you think you just couldn't be any happier. I really do. Then ,when she lies and cheats on you , I want you to feel just 1/100th of how I feel. But hey, with your track record of lies and cheating you could just as easily do the same thing to her but I am betting on the other way around. I mean come on, you have to think about it just a little bit right? Is she seeing someone else? Does she come straight home after work? Who is she seeing when she is not with you? Makes you think,huh? Good luck to you. You are going to need it.
Ahem, Can you say bitter ,party of one? I really am not bitter but I had to throw that little seed of doubt in htere. Makes it just that much more fun,huh? Oh, and by the way, he has a my space now. It is sooooo lame. His grilfriend is on there as friend Dawnster what the fuck kind of name is that anyways. I found it interesting that on her page she says she is in a relationship and on his he says he is single. Things that make you go HMMMMM.
Posted by poody at 10:03 AM::
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7 Comments:
Hi, Wow, that was some letter! You go girl - he probably wouldn't even batt an eyelid at it but at least you feel good and you have managed to move on with your life, albeit a year later! You keep up with what you are doing, I think it took a hell of alot of guts to write that letter!
Hey Poody!
Sorry I haven't been around Blogsville these days...
I've read all your new posts and I'm up-to-date with your recent adventures.
It seems like you're in a much better place these days! I'm glad for you. All these positive changes are good, I think...even though too much change too soon can seem overwhelming, I think you're coping well. Good luck with all your renovations!
I agree that the singer will be the strongest member in the Rock Star: Supernova marketing project...(I know you like him, but that dwarf vampire wanna-be Dave Navarro has really been annoying the shit out of me lately...As I mentioned on Mel's blog, I think there should be a drinking game associated with the show where you have to take a drink every time he calls someone "dude"...Drink the whole drink if he's addressing a woman)...
Anyway, take care out there, Poody!
Have a spectacular weekend!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
P.S.
I've scanned and posted the picture from the IKEA catalogue if you wanna check it out...
Poody, I was wondering what happened to you. I'm glad you let me know.
You seem to be in much better spirits than you were a couple of weeks ago. I like that.
I just read all your posts and the thing that impressed me the most was when you talked about gratitude. I think there are few things more important than being grateful for what we have. No one has everything, but just about everyone has all they need for happiness.
Sounds like things are a bit better at work too. Good luck on that front.
I know your ex hurt you a lot, but i think he did you a favor. You are much better off without hm. Nobody needs someone like him in their life.
Hope you are having a nice, relaxing weekend.
Totally awesome letter Poody.
Did he reply??
I am commenting from my new blog, btw. I am really looking forward to keeping in touch with you :)
Letters like that are cathartic to write. They NEED to be written. But you were courageous to actually send it.
I hope it keeps him up some night thinking.
That's pretty pathetic. If he has a My Space account - that' says it all. LOSER!
Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. He did not write me back. I didn't expect him to either. I can be a total bitch if I hate you. Oh, I don't hate him or anyone I just miss the relationship. No, not that even, I miss the human touch. I need a man!
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