UGH! Monday again!

I came in to an empty office this morning. It was so nice. But then the talker came in. I had have my radio on low and I can tell it is upsetting to her. WTF! I should slam in some NIN and turn it up! LOL!When I got to work this morning there was an e-mail from my boss and her boss scolding me for going to the Dr on Friday.Apparently the fact that the appt. was for Tuesday and had to be moved was not enough for them. I didn't submit it in writing. I don't know how much more of this shit I can take. I have told them I am under a lot of stress generated from this office and they know I am on medication for depression,stress,and anxiety. Maybe they just want to see if my head will actually explode on the job! I am sure this will reflect poorly on my evaluation. And still she sits here asking me how to do things she knows how to do. If she doesn't know how to do it then she is a dumb ass and if she knows how to do it then she is just working me! I am at my wit's end!I cannot be any nicer and I am not going to do her job! Thank you so much she says. I learned something new! Yeah you did the same freaking thing you learned last week and the week before and the week before. Okay ENOUGH! I sound like a broken record but god ya'll she is so dang annoying!
The weather is cold again today. Well, chilly anyway. 38 degrees when I woke up and not expected to get abover 45 all day. It is overcast and dreary too. I hate this kind of weather. When I was a kid I grew up in the northern part of the state. That overcast dreary shit was winter all the time. I would get claustrophobic from the cloud cover. I feel that way sometimes now if it is like that for more than a day or two. I have to make myself not notice it so much. I know that sounds crazy but well, I am under the care of a shrink!
I have been having a crisis of faith lately. I am having a hard time believing in a God that is supposed to be omnipotent;able to create and destroy in the blink of an eye. I want to know, really know, why if such a presence does exsist we can cotinue to have such hatred in the world. Not just wars among men but cruelty and abuse to animals,children, and the elderly. I don't want to hear about free will. That is bullshit ok. A cop out. Bullshit to free will.How can any good or meaning come from some sick shit who gets off being cruel to animals or children or old folks. I am not buying it. I am not buying into faith based hatred or judgement. Just because this one doesn't believe in what the other one believes in they choose to settle things with violence. How if you are a kind and loving superbeing can you allow so much turmoil in the world? All over. All the time.I think that this is what you get and if you spend your life waiting for something to happen after you die then you just don't get it. The time to do something is when you are alive. I think this is it. You get one shot and when you are dead you cease to be. I don't think we go somewhere to have our permamnent record laid out before us like some big time Santa list or something. Please! The bible says Jesus died for all sins. So what we can all do what ever the hell we want and still go to heaven.I for one am not going for that either. I say just like my Grandmother says you better act like you know something. I will take away from the bible this much treat one another as you want to be treated and love another. These 2 things sound so simple and are in reality so hard. Then there is the forgiving trespasses of other as well. I have been working so hard on these things, not so I can go to heaven, but because I know it is the right thing to do and I have only a limited amount of time here in this world and I want to be as good of a person as I can. For me and for the rest of the world. I continue to fight the injustices as I see them but not for God. For me and you. Religion is for people with no direction.I am not meaning to cause a stir or offend anyone really I am just having as I said a crisis of faith.It is an ongoing thing. Remember I was brought up Catholic so I am already messed up!LOL! Just something that has been weighing heavy on what I laughingly call my mind!Opps, now the boss is sitting in here with the talker and she is telling her how to do every step it takes to complete her tasks. gotta go