You Know You're a Nurse If...
1) the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to
save your ass, not kiss it!"
2) you occasionally park in the space with the
"physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) you own at least three pens with the names of
prescription medications on them.
6) you believe there's a special place for the
inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse"
causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work
in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil..
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is
perfectly natural.
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you
consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've even heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've even placed a bet
on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) you've told a confused patient that your name is that
of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's
water tank.
17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying...
some are unconscious.
19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical
sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time
correcting everyone and pointing out upside down
x-rays.
20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your
own.
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on
your chest. Soon.
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down
to eat.
24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift
change.
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a
recognized diagnosis.
27) you believe that the government should require
permits to reproduce.
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase
"Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) you have even wanted to write a book entitled "Suicide: getting it right the first time."
30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the
eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
31) you've had to leave a patient's room before
you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
save your ass, not kiss it!"
2) you occasionally park in the space with the
"physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) you own at least three pens with the names of
prescription medications on them.
6) you believe there's a special place for the
inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse"
causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work
in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil..
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is
perfectly natural.
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you
consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've even heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've even placed a bet
on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) you've told a confused patient that your name is that
of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's
water tank.
17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying...
some are unconscious.
19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical
sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time
correcting everyone and pointing out upside down
x-rays.
20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your
own.
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on
your chest. Soon.
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down
to eat.
24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift
change.
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a
recognized diagnosis.
27) you believe that the government should require
permits to reproduce.
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase
"Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) you have even wanted to write a book entitled "Suicide: getting it right the first time."
30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the
eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
31) you've had to leave a patient's room before
you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
Posted by poody at 11:13 AM::
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5 Comments:
I am at work doing a night shift right now and let me tell ya...all of those points are RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!
This comment has been removed by the author.
27 could well be seen as quite a controversial point, I think it is one which will continue to excite debate in this century.
As for point 30, I read a list once of things found in odd places and the tales to told to explain them. How people keep a straight face, I don't know.
Weee!!
I just read a book written by a nurse and I SO know what every one of these means,lmao.
For the record,I'm a very good patient;p
We love our nurses! I"m a good patient like Ms. L. At least I hope I am!
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