Thursday, August 30, 2007

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

--------------------oOo--------------------

8 Comments:

Blogger Mz.Elle said...

Ohh I love these!
Hee hee thanks for the laugh!

1:35 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

Haaaaaaha! Never tire of reading this stuff.

5:13 AM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

I love these...funny and true!

3:53 PM  
Blogger phishez said...

You missed my favourite...

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

4:38 AM  
Blogger Cyndy said...

oh, dear, phishez-rule... ROFL

5:13 AM  
Blogger Mother Jones RN said...

Sheeesh, I just spit coke all over my computer screen. Please put up and warning the next time you put up a sidesplitting post.

MJ

8:34 AM  
Blogger Bo... said...

These are hilarious!!!!

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

all good but I LOVE number 3

6:51 PM  

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