Funnies for your Friday!

Can anyone tell me where I can get this mirror?

Two women were talking about their lives since they had become
Nursing Home Residents. They both agreed that life was good but one
woman,Ethel said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her husband had come to the nursing home.The other woman said that her sex life was great!"The secret to great sex is this," the woman told her, "when my husband is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lay on the bed and put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night!"Ethel says, "I'm going to try that tonight!"When Ethel's husband is getting ready in the bathroom that night, she takes off all her clothes. Although it's a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head.Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well.After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move.It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom.With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells; "For God's sake Ethel,comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!


It's all in the telling. .

In a suburb of Boston, two boys were tossing a ball in a
vacant lot when one of them was attacked by a Rottweiler. The other boy,
thinking quickly, grabbed a sturdy stick, wedged it under the dog's collar and twisted mightily, breaking the animal's neck and freeing his buddy.A reporter from the Boston Herald was cruising by and witnessed the
scene. Thinking it would make a great human interest story, he began to
interview the boys, focusing on the quick-thinking rescuer. Whipping out his
laptop he entered the heading:"Brave Young Red Sox Fan saves friend from Jaws of Vicious Animal."Looking over the reporter's shoulder, the lad said, "But I'm not a Red Sox fan." "Sorry," said the reporter, "I guess I just assumed everyone in Boston
was a Red Sox fan." Hitting the delete key, the reporter typed in:"Young Kennedy Loyalist Rescues Friend from Horrific Dog Attack." "I'm not much for the Kennedys either," said the boy."Well, this is Massachusetts," said the reporter, "and most folks here are pretty big on the Kennedys. Well, what person do you admire a lot and
what team do you root for?" "I'm a big Texas Ranger Fan," said the boy, "and I really like George W. Bush a lot."Hitting the delete key a second time, the reporter tried again:"Arrogant Little Conservative Bastard kills beloved family pet."