FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

Monday Again

Well I hope everyone had a great weekend. I worked seeing patients in their homes. My car broke down at 8am Saturday morning at my first patient's house. I think it is the starter. I had to call my cousin Linda to come get me and take me to get a rental car. I got a Kia SUV which is a joke because I am too big for the seat and the leg room is non existent. I think it is a Korean made car so they must have been made for them and not Americans! I hate cars! I called to have the car towed and was told it was $95 to tow! That is too much! I just left it where it stood until my mechanic could have it towed (for $45) today!
I am so looking forward to this weekend. I am off Monday and cannot wait! I am going to leave from work on Friday and go to Nancy's house outside of Waco. She actually lives 6 miles fro Crawford( where GW has a ranch). I will sleep over there and then get up Saturday morning and drive into Dallas to get Connie. We are going to Paris and then down on the Red River to Connie's cabin. It should be fun. I am hoping to to meet up with some old high school friends.Then I will come back home on Monday. I am taking Dooley with me. My cousin will stay at home with the other dogs.
Work is sucking as usual. The talker has not been in contact with anyone from the office. I heard today that they may be offering her job to my psycho boss who would be good in the position. her last day as boss is 9/1/07. She told me they are trying to locate the talker and offer her a corporate job! Shit really does float to the top! Damn! So, if you do a shitty half assed job then you too can be pushed to a corporate level! Go figure! How funny would it be if she ends up being all of our boss? NOT!!!

The History of the Middle Finger

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."

And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.

Poetry In Motion!

I found this beautiful summer poem and thought it might help make your day. It did make mine, and it's very well written.


" Summer " a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre







SHIT!
It's Hot!

Nothing Exciting

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Quizzes and Personality Tests

I got this from Glenda. Not too much to report. I had to work this weekend on Saturday then I went looking for a new bedroom suite. I am tired of having hand me down furniture and want something new. I went to see Nancy's new home on Sunday and had a great time. Her house is cozy and the back yard is great. Dooley snubbed me when I came home smelling like a bunch of dogs. He is so funny. He actually jumped into my lap, sniffed me all over and then hopped out of my lap giving me a look of reproach and turned his back on me!

Working for the Weekend

I am so glad to see the weekend coming but Beth the scheduler is trying to guilt me into working on Saturday plus there is the money thing too! Damn the devil! I don't wanna work! My cousin Linda is gone for the week to the Frio river in Garner State Park with her sister and brother and their families. They rent a big house and just have a good time tubing, fishing , and hanging out. I miss her already. It has been storming here and the dogs have been made to stay in the house all day. They really like being out doors so I know they are going nuts! I do leave the TV on for them though!

My friend Connie says her little puppy Ms. Ellie is just beautiful and doing well. The picture is of her.I am glad she is enjoying her. You know, I think everyone should have a weenie dog! Nancy says she is having another litter soon. These will be red piebalds. That means they will be a dark red color with white on the coats. I am going to visit her "new" old farmhouse this weekend too. Remember I told ya she bought a 100 year old house with plenty of room for the dogs(45).
Ok enough for now you have a great weekend and check back next week.

America's Got Talent Again

Once again I am reminding you all to watch tonight and vote for Cas. You can go to Woodbelly.com and hear his band and their music. He reminds me of Sublime. I know it is a big comparision but he is that good y'all. I am not lying! Go check it out!

Yesterday the A/C went out in the office. It got up to 92 degrees in my little cubbyhole! It gave me such a headache and my stomach was upset as well. We had fans going but hello, Texas, August, 3pm yeah, you got it alright! I had to flee to the another part of the office that was only 88 degrees! This morning when I came in it was 75 degrees and the AC is blowing!

My boss has given her resignation I can't remember if I had said that last week or not. The office is all in a tizzy over it. The scheduler is saying she is quitting and going with her to wherever she lands. Some of the field staff are grumbling as well. I am ambivalent about it because on the one hand I have known this girl for over 20 years and know she is a good nurse but her behavior over the past year has been erratic and she has not been happy in her position for a very long time. I even had to shut my old blog down because she was stalking it and I couldn't vent my frustration at her wild mood swings! I just hope whoever takes her place is as good as she used to be.

Ok, lastly I will end on this note. This weekend marks the death of Elvis and keeping in tradition I will be at the Continental Club this Saturday night for the 2 tribute bands that play every birth and death anniversary weekend. It is always a sold out show and they rock the house down! So, no matter how you honor the king, just make sure to remember if it wasn't for Elvis we would still be listening to Pat Boone!

Cars and TV

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Quizzes and Personality Tests

Jesus Christ Superestrella

I went to see this play/musical last night at The Zachery Scott Theater. It was a bilingual production that was heavy on the Mexican culture.It was the original musical from the 70's but with a Mexican flair. The songs were bilingual. Jesus was HOT!! But my favorite was King Herod portrayed as a luchadore (that's a Mexican wrestler). Judas was very good also.He had an awesome voice. The whole thing was so spectacular. I wish all of you could have seen it because it was so wonderful. I cried of course who wouldn't?

Tonight I am going to another play, Mr Marmalade. It is a dark comedy at a little place called Hyde Park Theater. I love going to plays. I will tell you how it was after I have seen it.

Tomorrow my friend Jana is having a pool party with a Christmas theme. Christmas in August. Complete with Christmas dinner and white elephant gifts to boot. We want to see what our Australian friends get every year! Sounds like fun, huh? The invite says bring your favorite Christmas dish, a bathing suit,towel, alcohol, and a gift to exchange.

I am so loving this CD right now Paolo Nutini-These Streets. He is this guy from Scotland. he is brilliant! It is my favorite CD this summer.He will be here for the Austin City Limits Festival. If you haven't heard it go right now and get it! Really, I mean it. What? Are you still here? GO!!

Things That Make You Go HMMMMMM!!!!

A shrimp's heart is in its head.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
a million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times.

If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title
14,Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on
July 16 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

23% of all photocopier faults world-wide are caused by people
sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one
reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received
a telephone call.

Horses can't vomit.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the
world's nuclear weapons combined.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived
immigrants.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating
are already married.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year
because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the
weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

A snail can sleep for three years.

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears
never stop growing.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

All polar bears are left handed.

In ancient Egypt , priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She
would stand seven feet, two inches tall.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow

America's Got Talent

This is Cas Haley. He is on America's Got Talent. He is from my hometown Paris, Texas. His dad was ''the musician'' in town.

Ok, now get ready to follow along with me. Cas' wife is Cassie who is the niece of my cousin Tiger. Tiger's wife Lecia has a brother named Eddie and Cassie is his daughter.She and Tiger's daughter Candice grew up together. Cas played at the party I went to back in June in Paris for Candice's graduation. He is sooooo good y'all! And a very sweet person as well. So, now that you know, I want all of you to watch him every Tuesday and vote for him 10 times a piece. He is gonna be a big star!

Boring Blog Entry

I am reading thru this blog and it is soooo boring! I am surprised anyone ever comes back after visiting once. I am truly sorry and wish I could promise to be more entertaining but I am a pretty boring individual I am coming to realize. I used to be so much fun too! I don't know what happened. I just stopped having adventures.
This weekend I had company. My best friend forever(since 7th grade) Connie came down to visit. She had stopped by Nancy's new house in Eddy to pick up her new puppy,Miss Elly and came on down! Of course, her name has to be Miss Elly she lives in Dallas! She is adorable and I have loads of pictures but the cable that lets me download pictures from my camera to the computer has a short in it or something because I am unable to download them! ACKKKK!!!She is already bonded to Connie and cries if she leaves the room! She and Dooley had a great time playing together.

While she was here we went to Lockhart,Texas which is about 30 miles south of Austin. It is the BBQ capital of the world! The best BBQ is there for sure. We went to this place called Kreuz Market. They make smoked brisket,ham,pork chops, prime rib, sausages,pork and beef ribs.They use no BBQ sauce and the accoutrements are limited as well.They have onions,pickles,longhorn cheese in chunks,avocados,tomatoes,bread and crackers. They have very recently added German potatoes and beans. This is BBQ at it's best and I always say if I die in a car crash on the way home I will die a happy woman. I always take the bones back home to the dogs and they love that.

Yesterday, after Connie left to go home my cousin and I went to Wimberly to visit my Aunt Nancy. She was happy to see us. She spent last week in Vegas at Market. She works for an interio design company and they went to buy stuff for the shop. She took us out to dinner and then we went for a drive along the Blanco river. It is so beautiful and ther were a lot of tubers on the river. I was wishing I was in one of those tubes my ownself. When I got home I was ready to just veg for a while and that truned into an all night veg session. Basically, no house work other than cleaning the bathroom and sweeping the bedroom and living room was done.

Today my cousin Linda and I are staring on the Atkins diet. I have a problem with portion control so hopefully this will be the diet for me. I am too fat and my clothes are getting tight and quite frankly I am tired of being the fattest person I know. I can always go to IHOP to feel better but I swear the other day I was there and I was the fattest person there! Shut up!!

Okay well, now that I have suffiently bored the crap out of you, you can now go find that really funny, exciting, disturbing blog you always visit!

Busy

I have been extremely busy at work with no time to fuck off at all! I really haven't done anything else all week. I have been getting off around 7-8pm every night. My boss told me Tuesday she is resigning. This will make her happy but I fear what will take her place! She is tired of working 20 hrs/day plus weekends etc. I know she has a hard job and it makes her very cranky. I am so into Big Brother right now that I haven't even finished the new Harry Potter book. I keep watching the recorded Showtime stuff every evening from the night before! It is crazy in that house! Needless to say I have let other things like housework and grocery shopping fall to the wayside too! I am hopeless!
My friend Connie is coming down from Dallas this weekend. She is coming to get another puppy from my friend Nancy. Hopefully, this puppy will not take sick and die on her.
My friend Nancy has bought an old (100 yrs old) farm house just 20 miles south of Waco. This means she is moving on out of the Austin area. I will miss her sorely as she is one of my few unmarried friends. She called me today to say she had loaded up all her dogs in the pickup and was headed to her new digs. She said she had 42 dogs in the truck! That is counting 19 puppies! She raises and sells daschunds. Check out her website to the right of my postings on here. Dooley has new brothers and sisters posted there now! The little brown and white pups!
ok this is enough for now! I am trying to remember to post more often but coming back and looking at the Rat bastard and his loser family is hard to do. I guess I could take down his photo but I love everyone's comments I received! I wish I knew how to photo shop so I could like put a black eye on him or a patch over his eye that sort of thing! Mature much?